#but the fact that we got that scene between him and carlos was really important

[tellmegoodbye]

I've had some time to collect my thoughts after a couple of days so here they are even though nobody asked.

I really loved the finale. It was devestating, no doubt, but I think this is their best one yet and I absolutely loved how they handled it. There was so much grieving in this episode, not just from Carlos, but from Owen and Judd as well. But despite everything they chose happiness and the wedding ending up being beautiful and bittersweet and joyful all at once.

There has been the question of deleted scenes but there's really only one we've seen so far that I would have loved to see in the episode. Other than that, I'm just glad we get to have them all as extras. I don't think the wedding needed them though.

Another thing I'd like to add is that yes, sometimes storylines can feel rushed in shows where you have a lot of characters and especially if there are clear favorites within a fandom. There was a lot going on, but that doesn't necessarily mean any one character's storyline is less valuable than another's. I guess I'm speaking as less of a fandom member and just more as an enjoyer of the show if that makes any sense. I love all of the characters in this show, and while I would be lying if I said I liked every single storyline, that doesn't mean I wish they didn't happen. In this case, however, I loved all of the storylines and I think they all made sense together given the theme of this episode. I personally don't think any of them shouldn't have been there in favor of getting more wedding content.

Honestly, my only regret is not getting off of tumblr as soon as the final bts stuff started coming out. I'm pretty bad when it comes to guessing things so if I hadn't been aware of the theories I literally would have had no idea and it would have hit me so much harder. It still got me pretty good though.

Again these are just my opinions so feel free to ignore everything I say if you didn't feel the same. I'm happy though, and I'm going to continue being incredibly annoying about this show. ♡

[wisteriagoesvroom]

Not the airport purgatory again!! So here's a prompt for you:

Carcar + the word "camera"

~Lo

Oscar’s never loved the cameras. They’ve taken some getting used to. The clicks now remind him of beetles rather than a forensic crime scene, but he’s never made peace with them. Not in the way the rest of the grid has.

And why he’s been shoved together with Carlos, two seats down from him in the press conference, he doesn’t really know.

Well. He does know. He’s not stupid, and the internet tells him, when Oscar is in fact stupid enough to go check, that people enjoy the on track argument radios between him and Sainz.

Oscar is frankly loathe to call it an argument. An argument would imply two people on an even keel having some kind of logical discussion. With Carlos, there is no debate. Just noise.

(And Oscar’s got to give it to the FIA. They’re well aware what they’re doing. So he and the FIA apparently have this in common, then.)

To his left, George is droning on, probably an extremely PR-approved response about Merc’s latest ailing results. Oscar has heard this about half a dozen times in just as many iterations, and Oscar is getting bored. But, necessary evils. For necessary ends.

“Question for Carlos and Oscar,” comes a voice from the back of the darkened room. And now, maybe things can get more interesting.

“Your radios have been making the rounds.” The journalist says. “Carlos, you seem very adamant that Oscar still acts like, and I quote, such a massive rookie. Did you mean what you said, or did you want to offer more commentary?”

Oscar glances at Carlos. Guan Yu, sandwiched between them, stares at both of them like this is a riveting tennis match.

Carlos makes a noncommittal noise into his mic. Oscar resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“I don’t listen much to the radios after the race is done. It is all in the moment. Oscar drives well, but occasionally we are coming up against each other on the track.”

Oscar turns the sentences in his head as he considers his words. What was it that Mark said? It’s important to show your racecraft. Your commitment.

But what the public loves, more than anything, was a storyline.

Carlos has put his mic down. His gaze is admirably neutral.

Oscar scans the crowd for the journalist. Moustached guy, laptop open, waiting expectantly.

It’s Oscar’s cue. Step on the stage. Spotlight’s on.

“I mean. Nice for some people, isn’t it?” Oscar says.

He can picture the tweets already.

Across the couch, Carlos crosses his arms, brows slanting downwards.

Every hero’s journey needs an antihero, after all.

“What is?” Carlos asks.

Oscar shrugs. “Being able to switch your brain off. When you drive.”

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

The Police Station Scene

Arguably the most important season 1 Tarlos scene (it won the poll, after all!), the police station scene in 1x03 is undoubtedly iconic. The sheer chemistry between these two becomes truly apparent, and the journey they take throughout the scene...I have no words. Or perhaps I have many words. Yes, I think it's that second one. Many words. Under the cut, my analysis of this excellent scene.

We start out with TK in a pretty miserable situation. On top of everything else he's going through, he just got arrested, and at this point, he's not sure if the guys he fought are going to be pressing charges. For all he knows, he could be ending up in a jail cell using his one phone call to get Owen to come bail him out, something that Owen will probably not be too happy about. Not only that, but he's bleeding and his face clearly hurts judging by the ice pack he's holding to it. He's having a very bad night.

Then, things suddenly get even worse. Because the police officer coming to deal with him is none other than the guy he hooked up with and then later stormed out on. The guy TK had started having such strong and unexpected feelings for that he had given in to the urge to flee. The guy who TK assumes probably already thinks terrible things about him because of the way things went down the last time they were together. So now not only is this an undesirable legal situation, but it's also an awkward and embarrassing social situation. And now this guy knows that "TK" stands for Tyler Kennedy. Ugh.

From Carlos' perspective, he met this guy who was smokin' hot who he felt an instant connection with...this guy who made him feel for the first time like maybe he wasn't actually broken and then gave him the best orgasm of his life. Said guy then stormed out on him for what appeared to Carlos to be no good reason. He couldn't even be bothered to sit and have a meal and a little conversation. And now? This guy is out getting in bar fights completely sober, putting himself in a dangerous situation where he could very well get himself killed. This guy who Carlos already cares about, and who has seemingly completely rejected him at the first sign of Carlos wanting to get to know him. Carlos is hurt but he's also angry. Most of all, Carlos is angry about the fact that TK is being so completely reckless with his own safety.

The guys from the bar fight don't want to press charges, so Carlos tells TK that he's free to go. But he can't stop from giving TK a little advice. He's not trying to be his boyfriend (lie) or even his friend if he's not into it (oh, Carlos) but he tells TK that he "should talk to someone about why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal." Carlos says this without knowing that TK was suicidal and acted on it not long ago.

TK appears to be affected by this but says nothing. It appears that maybe the fight has gone out of him...until Carlos lets him know that he has something on his face, giving him a box of tissues to take care of it. TK gets visibly frustrated when Carlos tells him he's trying to clean off the wrong side. But then Carlos does something that TK doesn't expect.

He says, "Stop, just...let me." And with a shaky hand, he uses a tissue to dab at the spot on TK's face.

This clearly isn't nothing to Carlos. The emotion in his eyes is undeniable. He cares. That simple act of caring is enough to break TK's walls down the tiniest bit. To allow him to show some vulnerability. TK wants to explain.

He apologizes for what happened between them and tells him that he just went through a really bad breakup, "like nuclear bad," and then he relapsed. Not, as Carlos assumes, with him, but with substances. TK is giving Carlos a piece of himself, trusting him in a way he has not trusted anyone else he's met in Texas, as much as he likes them and enjoys working with them.

Carlos recognizes the significance of this moment of vulnerability. But it's more than that. It gives him context for what happened. TK wasn't just being a jerk and storming out because he didn't care to get to know Carlos. He has serious things going on. And...the champagne! TK has issues with substances and Carlos had offered him champagne without even asking first!

Carlos, always quick to blame himself, apologizes, and in that moment, his walls come down a little too. He had been trying to play it stoic and tough and like he didn't care so, so much. (Of course he already gave himself away when he started gently wiping TK's face)

But TK doesn't stop there. He gives Carlos more of himself, explaining that, ever since he's gotten to Austin, it's just grey. And he feels numb all the time. To explain why he started the bar fight, TK says, "I guess I just--I wanted to feel something."

Carlos looks at him. The anger is gone. He has understanding in his eyes...and that look of caring is still there, too. He watches TK gather his things and stand up. Carlos could have said anything in this moment. He chooses to tease TK a little. TK said he started a fight because he just wanted to feel something, so Carlos tells him, "Judging by that lip, I'd say mission accomplished."

TK looks at him with annoyance. He kind of can't believe that THIS is Carlos' reaction to his vulnerability!

"You really busting my balls right now?"

But Carlos stands his ground as the corner of his mouth goes up slightly.

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

Carlos made the right choice here because TK smiles too.

They like each other so much.

I fully believe that everything that happens after wouldn't have happened without this scene. It's pivotal in their relationship. The journey they go through is incredible! From this:

To this:

Iconic and unmatched.

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

This watch is made possible by the continued efforts of @isaksbestpillow

Last time, Makoto kept getting praised for the progress he's been making, and then really stepped in it big time. Daichi was having a hard time because his boyfriend can't come out due to the expectation that he would return to his hometown after graduation. Mihoko chatted with Mika, and they decided to host a BBQ to give Daichi and Madoka a chance to be around people in public, and Mika hoped it would bring Kakeru out of his room. Unfortunately, Makoto was too excited and outed them. Meanwhile, Kakeru bonded with a boy in his class over skincare. I'm still rooting for Makoto.

No, noy the cake!

Moe coming through again. She's right to point out that the focus should not be on Makoto here. As a fujoshi, admitting she doesn't care about real life romance is also sending me. I think she also had that conversation in the hallway to make sure Kakeru heard it too.

Wow they brought out an even worse man.

I love Shimura so much. She's like, "He's already got what's coming to him."

Kakeru's nemesis is at this seminar!

Great comedy with the flier. Holy shit.

I'm glad we're spending time with Mika this episode.

Look at that. Kakeru is maybe starting to bond with his unexpected rival.

I'm so sad for Mika. She wanted to share something important to her with the family and no one is here to receive it.

Mika deserved to go off and she is right. You could feel a lifetime of being dismissed come out of her in that moment. It's always something small that reveals a huge burden. She wanted to share a small thing she was proud of and couldn't get that. The casual sexism has hurt her for decades, too.

Oh good, Makoto figured it out and told Moe.

Yes, Carlos, drag us back to the gays!!!

Wow. These bench scenes continue to give me so much life. It's a shame that so much of the world is covered in hostile architecture designed to keep people out of public spaces.

I'm feeling so much for Daichi and Madoka. It's hard to be mad at Makoto when what they're frustrated by are their circumstances. Madoka feels a sense of duty and responsibility to his family that he doesn't think his queerness is compatible with, and there's not much Daichi can do about that. Daichi wasn't afforded a closet. He was bullied before he could even figure himself out.

This is a phenomenal moment between Mika and Moe. In a show spending so much time about the sexism of men, I like that Moe acknowledged that she dismissed her mom, too.

I like returning to the story about the tanuki to reveal that Mika was the one who bore the brunt of caring for Moe when she was sick. Mika has done the best she can with her choices, but it's not what she wanted to do. I totally get her taking these petty wins

Okay, I love them fighting for tickets for her favorite boy band. It makes sense now that they might represent the youth she feels like she didn't get to have.

I'm crying about the tickets, and now the first family dinner of the show.

And they're having curry!

Incredible show.

This episode was one of my favorites, because we do need to reckon with the fact that many women are still alive and still unhappy about the lot they've been given. There is no way to fix everything that's happened in the last twenty years, but we can let them enjoy the things that bring them a little joy in their lives. This was also earned from the earlier work at Comica. I really loved this. It really was as simple as acknowledging all that Mika does as a first step.

[myloveforhergoeson]

hi hello u have given me permission to info dump, so here’s four fun facts about some of my btr ocs!

noah was obsessed with curious george as a kid, and still has a george stuffie! him and carlos eventually get all the curious george movies + episodes on tape

saylor and kendall write a ton of songs together. in my universe, passing time by heffron drive ft logan henderson is actually a sayendall/ kaylor (need to decide on a shipname for them) cowritten song and it ends up on a deluxe version of btr’s 24/seven album.

elisa has a scar in between her eyebrows from falling and hitting her head on a rock as a baby. if you look really closely you can see the divot.

wren and olive watch home alone every year for christmas. even when they are apart.

and now i ask for four hcs for daisy and roxy!

you literally always have permission to info dump <3333 the noah and carlos fact in particular is really getting to me... the 2006 curious george movie is one of the first movies i remember seeing in the theater !! also the jack johnson soundtrack is like an inside joke between me and my friends. i relate to them on the loving curious george train

saylorkendall... the couple that you are... i am so interested in their story and i'm so excited to see what you write of them in the future <3 there's about a thousand ideas for writing songs together i have bouncing around in my brain and i'll play them like a movie in my head until i get your take hehe

poor elisa!! that must have been so scary :(( i feel like everyone had like one freak accident as a child and knowing that about her humanizes her so much more than you already have been... god i love her so much

the wren and olive one has me falling to the floor and shaking my fist at the sky bc that's literally me and my sister rn both of us had to watch over the garden wall apart this fall when we normally watch it together 😭😭

anddd idk if you wanted four for each, but here's the first few things that came to mind

roxy has been journaling since she was 10! she started writing things down during the day to tell her dad when he got home from work because she was tired of forgetting important things she wanted to share. she also used it to cope with her tougher feelings when he wasn't around to talk to. it just kind of stuck as she grew older and eventually turned into the songbook-journal hybrid she has now. she's got a bunch of the same type of moleskin notebooks in her room in all different colors detailing so much of her life

daisy submits some of her artwork to the chesterfield county fair every year!! she's never won a blue ribbon, but she does love getting to share some of her favorite spots around chester through her landscape sketches. that's her main art subject, but sometimes she draws her friends and family for fun! she thinks this blends with her want to be a historian pretty well - she could sketch out the historical scenes she studies to help provide a visual addition!!

though cassette tape is her favorite music format, rox knows that's not super practical in her day and age... so she saved up the money from her job at the radio station and bought a bright blue iPod to download (read: rip from limewire) her more recent music taste. she's usually listening to music when she's alone; she doesn't really care for silence !

daisy's brother jay-jay is older than her by 2 years! they're very close and confide in each other about nearly everything. he's looking into culinary schools now that he's graduated high school and she's terrified of being separated from him :( they've been around each other their entire lives and she doesn't really understand why he wants to go to school so far away from their home

[raging-violets]

you already know what i will be asking about but ⭐️ for playing with fire! how did you come up with the idea of riley going with kendall to minnesota? the jail plotline? the katie scenes? many questions my apologies but i absolutely adore that fic! it’s one of my favourites that you’ve written!

I had to skim that fic just to remember what happened in it since I haven't read it in a while. Anyway, to answer your questions:

How did you come up with the idea of riley going with kendall to minnesota?

This was actually supposed to be a series of fics where each of the Jacksons went with a BTR boy to a different place to get some time away from each other/be prepared for adoption etc and followed the angst from there. So Riley went to Minnesota with the Knights, Rhuben would've gone to Texas with Logan, Patrick would've gone to NYC with James, Noah would've gone to FL with Carlos, and Sydney would've been in LA with Ronan. Because I'm so obviously pro Kiley, that was the one that came up first before I completely nixed the idea. But it was also because I always wondered what Riley would've thought of Kendall's home life with him being excited but also anxious to show her. He wouldn't have been embarrassed by his old life per se but he was aware of how...'boring' it was compared to everything music related she'd experienced up until them.

The jail plotline?

Jail plotline is from the canon plotline of the trouble that Riley, Rhuben, Patrick, and Noah got into when they were in Australia. It's fixed in their canon background because if it's a story or fandom where their parents are alive, it's the catalyst that has them move to the US. If it's a story or a fandom where their parents aren't alive it's part of their backstory. Long story short, Riley and Rhuben had great friends and a great family and tend to bend the rules but don't break them often. But then Riley and Rhuben meet some people who aren't the best/cause trouble and who they want to impress and start to do stupid dares that bend the rules of things. After a while it's clear that those friends are part of a gang and they get so stuck that, eventually, they steal their parents' wedding rings to sell off for money to, essentially, pay for protection. Patrick and Noah get wrapped up into it when they start to figure out what's going on and eventually there's a fight they get caught up in that has them detained for assault. Just back when I wrote it, I had no idea what I was writing and just added it for angst driven reasons so it kind of came out of nowhere. But at any point Ri, Rhu, Pat, or No ever mention they "got in some trouble at home" that's what they're talking about. And that's what that plot is.

The katie scenes?

So, one of the things that I've always been curious about is Kendall's and Katie's relationship in that...if you watch the show, a lot of the time it looks like Kendall's relationship with James, Carlos, and Logan are more important than his and Katie's. Makes sense, they're best friends, hockey players, in a band, they're brothers. They're family. But Katie is his actual family. You can tell they're close with the 'Big Brother', 'Baby Sister' thing and how quickly they will help each other when needed, and he used to sing her to sleep. The six year age gap between them (though we always push it to a three year age gap) would make it harder for them to have the same plotlines. But he's her brother and it looked like he all but abandoned her once they got to LA and they had much more than they could've ever wanted in Minnesota. So, how would she fell about that? She'd probably be really upset and pissed. She looks up to Kendall and probably sees him as her best friend in a way, and also as her dad, so why is it that everyone and everything else in his life has a bigger point of importance over her? That's the feeling I was wanting to explore with Katie...especially because of the fact that she really looks up to Riley as well and wants to spend some time with just her, but it seems that she only wants to spend time with Kendall. She's talked to Patrick about it but Patrick doesn't feel that way as he spends plenty of time with Riley just them and then also spends time with Katie just them, and doesn't really feel that he's been neglected in that way. Katie, on the other hand, feels neglected because of her big brother's new job, new friends, new crush, new experiences and it's like she's just an afterthought, especially since she didn't want to be in the limelight at all. She misses her brother (probably as much as she misses her dad) and that's not looked at a lot.

[messymindofmine]

 I have so many thoughts about 4x12 and I still don’t know if they’re completely coherent. I absolutely loved it. I loved the communication between TK and Carlos and the growth we got.

I know that a lot of people were upset with the promo bc we see Carlos resorting to his old tactics of deflecting and avoiding important conversations. It’s ok to be upset about that. The truth is we have seen Carlos regress in a way this season. As much as I love the development we have seen for him this season, I think people are allowed to be frustrated with him at certain points. In fact, this season is actually the first time I have ever seen people be truly upset with Carlos over anything. I’ve said this before but I really do think that Tarlos needed to have a conflict where Carlos was the one who was unequivocally in the wrong in order for a lot of people to understand that Carlos has always had flaws. What we see in Carlos this season has always been there. But just bc people get upset with him at certain points does not mean that they don’t want to see his character develop or that they only want him as a support for TK or whatever. People are allowed to be frustrated and say that TK deserves a partner who is honest with him and willing to have important discussions. Carlos kept his marriage secret from TK for their entire relationship and we never even see that being acknowledged as wrong. People were understandably upset about that. But then they were satisfied after 4x02 bc we got to see them talk and we saw Carlos open up to TK in a way we’ve never seen him before. But then we see him become all cold and distant towards TK after Iris goes missing and we see TK drowning in guilt that he doesn’t even deserve with nobody to tell him that he did nothing wrong. In the end of the episode, Carlos straight up lies to TK about spending the night with TK even as TK is sitting at home feeling terrible. Carlos did hurt TK with his behavior. We should be able to point that out. Yet we never see that being acknowledged either. So people were upset about that as well. But then we had TK and Gabriel team up and rescue Carlos and people were happy again. The thing is though that we never see TK’s feelings being acknowledged at all during that time and I think that fed into the frustration over that scene in the beginning of 4x12 for a lot of ppl when we saw the promo. In that scene, it was like Carlos was still resorting to his usual avoidance tactics even after everything that happened earlier this season and I can understand why that would be frustrating for people. Especially since any time we have seen a conflict between Tarlos in the past, there was usually equal blame to share yet TK was the one who bore the brunt of it. This goes all the way back to 1x02. Carlos is the one who crossed a boundary and refuses to acknowledge that even as TK tries to (albeit not in the best way) explain that. Yet people were raging at TK then. This continued throughout s2. And then we had the breakup in s3. People were raging at TK even before we knew what had actually happened. And then the fact that Carlos had bought a home for them without talking to TK about it was almost completely overlooked. But Carlos gets to express his hurt without any acknowledgement of his own role and we see TK express his regret while we don’t see any of that this season with the marriage or with Carlos’s behavior in 4x03. It didn’t help that even the writers refused to acknowledge that Carlos had done something wrong by keeping his marriage a secret for so long. I suspect that this latent frustration also fed into the frustration with Carlos in the promo scene. Fortunately, the frustration towards Carlos seems to be pretty fleeting and calms down quite quickly. The hate against TK just doesn’t seem to go away. And I don’t think we can just write it off as TK stans only wanting Carlos to be perfect and not caring about his development. If that were the case then where are all the comments about TK not being good enough for Carlos coming from? Or how TK is so selfish? Or how Carlos should have made TK work to earn forgiveness after the breakup? Presumably that’s not coming from TK stans. I do think that there are people who are upset that Carlos’s flaws are being dug into this season but there have always been people who bristle at even the vaguest criticism towards Carlos. I’ve seen people express their discomfort over Carlos being a police officer get attacked. It honestly feels like Carlos is one character that we are just never allowed to criticize at all and I truly don’t think you can just write it off as TK stans wanting Carlos to be perfect. That being said, I am really tired of people trying to pit TK and Carlos against each other. A relationship is not a competition and TK and Carlos have no desire to compete with each other so it makes zero sense for fans to be doing that.

I absolutely love how we got to dig into Carlos’s insecurities more this episode. It’s important to remember that even though Carlos is a very important character, he isn’t really a *main” character in the way that TK and the other 126 members are since the show is ultimately about the 126. That’s why it’s taken a bit longer to really delve into his character. Although, they did start doing that in 2x04 and have continued throughout s2 and s3. But this season is where we are really getting into it. Really they could’ve just as easily made TK be the one not wanting kids and I suspect people would’ve been just as (if not more so considering how people are already so quick to lash out at him) upset with him but I like that they had Carlos be the one not wanting kids bc it actually does make sense. I suspected that his hesitancy to be a parent had something to do with his relationship with his father and that’s exactly what we see. I think it’s very poignant that Carlos says he’s never actually spoken aloud about this subject when he was talking to Andrea. This is what happens when someone spends their whole life feeling like they’re not allowed to express their emotions. Carlos clearly grew up in an environment where heavy topics were not talked about and talking about feelings were not encouraged for him. For someone who is quite a sensitive person, this would be a very painful thing to grow up with and it has clearly left a very deep mark on Carlos. And realistically speaking, it may not be something that ever really goes away. He may always struggle with opening himself up and talking about uncomfortable topics. But that’s ok as long as he’s at least willing to try bc a relationship can’t work if one person just refuses to even try to communicate properly. In the promo scene, TK does try to talk about it. He’s shocked that they haven’t had this discussion and is trying to get Carlos to talk about why he doesn’t want kids but Carlos just keeps deflecting. TK is also reacting to his own insecurities in this scene and that made it even more difficult. Even the reasons Carlos listed for not having kids were blatant excuses since he doesn’t even like to sleep in or travel and this likely fed into TK’s insecurities. Even Andrea called him out on this in the end. Both were struggling to communicate properly in that scene and that’s a totally normal thing. Even the most well-adjusted individuals are going to behave in less than ideal ways sometimes and even the strongest of couples are going to have moments of miscommunication and disagreements. Sometimes it’s not about who’s right or who’s wrong. Both TK and Carlos are completely valid in this case, they just weren’t able to communicate their feelings properly in that moment. But then they decide to take a break and seek out help from others. This is particularly a moment of growth for Carlos bc he seems to have sought out Andrea for help. This is the same person who didn’t even tell his parents he had a boyfriend not that long ago and has grown up feeling like asking for help was a sign of weakness. And I think this is actually the first time we see Carlos’s tendency to avoid being blatantly pointed out. Carlos does try to deny it but Andrea doesn’t let him. And we see Carlos finally admitting something he has never even spoken out loud before. I can see how seeing Owen and TK would make Carlos reflect on his own relationship with his father. However imperfect of a parent Owen is, there has never been a time where TK hasn’t felt like he couldn’t go to his dad for help. Nor has there ever been a time where TK hasn’t felt safe in expressing his emotions to Owen. And when Owen is present in TK’s life, he’s actually a pretty great dad. Neither Owen nor TK are at all afraid to be affectionate with each other even if they’re in public. Owen also gave Carlos the support and approval that he has always yearned for from Gabriel. Carlos specifically says that he didn’t even have a relationship with his dad until 2 years ago so while he may feel better about where he and Gabriel are at now, it doesn’t just erase the hurt and the distance between them that existed for so long before that. And it’s not very realistic to expect Gabriel to change completely now. Realistically, he will probably never be able to get to a point where he’s comfortable expressing his own feelings and being affectionate in the way that Carlos wishes and that really sucks. Even if Carlos does get to express his pain about how Gabriel’s behavior after he came out affected him and Gabriel apologizes, thing may not automatically be fixed between them. However, that does not mean that Gabriel can’t still let his son know that he’s proud of him. After all, he did it in 2x08 and in 2x12. And Carlos may never get to a point where he is completely comfortable opening up but the fact that we see him trying in this episode shows that he is capable of growth. If he can at least stop avoiding important conversations then that will be tremendous growth. He opened up to his mother in this episode and realized that he needs to be honest with TK about why he’s so hesitant to have kids. And he does just that. And TK immediately accepts it and him bc TK loves him no matter what. TK knows Carlos’s heart, all he needs is to see that Carlos is at least trying to be open with him. And as soon as Carlos does, TK happily accepts it. You can see the way it looks like Carlos had had a heavy load lifted off his shoulders at the end as they embrace bc he finally feels like he can let that pain go a little and still be loved and accepted by TK. And he even offers up a compromise. As funny as the whole lizard thing is, it says a lot about how Carlos who was so against the idea of having a lizard in the home initially actually went and got a lizard for TK. I’m actually glad that this conversation was left open-ended and not necessarily resolved. Carlos may well change his mind at some point or he may not. Either way it’s fine bc he knows that he’ll have TK by his side no matter what. And TK knows that Carlos not wanting children isn’t a reflection on how Carlos views him. That was the actual root of his feelings in this episode. He took Carlos’s behavior at the beginning as Carlos thinking that TK would make a bad father. And then we see him expressing his fear to Owen that Carlos doesn’t think TK would be a good father bc he’s an addict. This is a perfectly legitimate fear bc it’s something people deal with IRL. There are lots of people out there who fear that won’t be good enough partners or good enough parents bc of their addiction. I’m glad that this was brought up. I also like that Carlos’s parents apparently know about it and are supportive. I especially like that we get to see Carlos say that he believes in TK’s recovery with all his heart. That is so important bc no matter how much TK may doubt his own strength and his own abilities at times, Carlos has never had any doubts whatsoever. 

As for the people who are upset about Carlos saying he doesn’t want kids bc they feel that it ruins their fantasy of dad!Tarlos, remember that the beauty of fanfic is that you can give yourself what canon isn’t giving you. There are plenty of wonderful dad!Tarlos fics out there already. Even if they end up never having kids on the show itself, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still enjoy the idea and write or read fics about it. 

I’ll be honest, I actually do agree with Carlos about them not having kids at least for now. After all, not having kids is a decision you can go back on if you so choose. You can’t go back on the decision to have kids. And if you do have kids before you felt ready, then that can lead to a whole bunch of other issues. And as we see, TK wasn’t even really upset about Carlos not wanting kids so much as he was about the fact that they never talked about it. He felt that it was a poor reflection on their relationship that they didn’t and that the reason they didn’t is bc Carlos thought TK would be a bad father. As I’ve said before, this is not a situation of who’s right and who’s wrong. Both Carlos and TK are completely valid. Also on a more personal note, I would much rather see them just be a married couple for at least a couple of seasons. They’re both very young and they have time. Now that the conversation has at least been opened up, they can always revisit it later on if they want. 

All of that said, the only thing that I want to say is that I hope people can take this episode as a reminder that just bc things look a certain way in the promos doesn’t mean that it’s the way things are actually going to transpire. We were told right from the start that all roads lead to the wedding so maybe we should just hold onto that instead of getting caught up in our knee-jerk reactions. Because the thing about knee-jerk reactions is that they are fleeting. The problem is when we start sharing those reactions online, other people see them and have knee-jerk reactions of their own. The next thing you know, everything snowballs and people end up getting their feelings hurt. Fandom is meant to be an escape, it should not be a source of stress. People are allowed to feel however they feel in the moment but it’s also a good idea to remember that how we feel in the moment may not be how we end up feeling later. And remember that the whole point of these promos is to incite a reaction so of course they’re going to give us the most dramatic stuff and not let us know about the resolution until the episode itself. I honestly do wish that they would stop releasing Tarlos promos all together at this point bc I actually get stressed out by them too. But since that’s probably not going to happen, the best advice I can give to everybody (no matter what your feelings are) is to just take a deep breathe and remember that we don’t know the full story. After this episode, I think it’s safe to say that we are getting meaningful development and we can trust the writers to provide us with good character growth even if the storytelling is questionable at times. After all, this episode was hyped as a top 5 Tarlos episode and people were so skeptical about that after the promo yet that’s exactly what we ended up with

[marjansmarwani]

Hope you'll share your thoughts after watching the whole episode 🙊

I don’t know if they’re coherent, but you can have them Anon. Most of it was recorded via texts to a friend because I figured if I was going to suffer I wasn’t going to do it alone, so now you all get to take the journey with me too!

I was rewatching the episode to see if any of it hit different given the new information we’ve learned in the past couple of episodes and boy did it ever. I was thinking specifically about the fact that as of 3x08 we know that when the pilot happens TK has only been sober for about 2 years at best, assuming he got clean after that stint in rehab and stayed that way until his OD in the episode (which I do think is the case).

The first thing I noticed was that in the scene where TK is asking Owen for his opinion on the proposal and Owen tells him he’s happy for him, he really is. That’s not something I ever doubted, but something about knowing more about the circumstances (and the fact that Alex is probably TK’s first long term relationship since getting sober, but that’s another post that I think @doublel27 already wrote), it really hits different. He is happy for him, and probably proud too. He’s looking at him as he gets back into the fire truck and probably thinking about how he’s come so far and how good it is to see him stable and clean and happy.

(We all know how that ends up but that’s not the point right now.)

Another thought I had (definitely the most distressing one) was in the scene where Owen gets his diagnosis. One of the first questions he asks is if he’ll make it to TK’s wedding. Obviously that never happened but my immediate thought was that sure, he will when it happens at the beginning of season 4, but Gwyn won’t. And that’s just too many feelings, frankly. I would like to go a day without having to think about that fact but so far the outcome doesn’t look likely.

After that distressing detour and then the overdose scene, the next thing I was struck by was TK’s plea to Owen to not report it because “the last thing he needed was to suspended.” @justaswampdemon and I have discussed the idea in the wake of 3x08 that Owen very likely knew that TK was not okay in the time leading up to Gwyn taking him to rehab. Whether it was because he didn’t know what else to do or because there was a waitlist for that/any rehab place he kept him at work probably so he could keep an eye on him, but also because he knew that having to show up for his shifts was very likely the only thing keeping him alive at that point.

TK tells Gwyn that he never missed a shift and I’m sure people were starting to realize something was up. For all his flaws I am certain Owen noticed too, and I’m sure he and Gwyn had discussed it. I think that Owen understood that in a way Gwyn couldn’t because it’s also his favorite questionable coping mechanism TK is a lot like him in that sense, and it’s probably a learned behavior. TK justified it in his mind that as long as he was able to show up to his shift on time and do his job, he was doing okay. And Owen latched onto that too because every shift TK showed up to was one more day he hadn’t killed himself with his addiction. So when TK pleads to not be suspended I could see Owen thinking back to that and knowing that taking him off the job was only going to make things worse so he agrees to report it as an accidental overdose. Is it the smartest or most responsible choice? Probably not, but I can see where he’s coming from given what we know now.

On a lighter note somehow in all the times I’ve watched this episode I missed that after the baby rescue they were apparently going viral with #dreamteam? And that’s just so fucking adorable? Mostly I just love seeing them all meeting (yes, I am including TK and Carlos in this but not just them) and knowing how important they will all become to each other. It does my heart good to reflect on that.

The last thing I picked up on was in the last discussion between Judd and Owen. I will never be over how much I thought Judd was supposed to be the character we were supposed to hate and how that lasted all of half of an episode, but the thing that struck me this time was something Owen says to him when he breaks down by the fire truck.

When they’re upstairs Judd tells him he barely has the lid on it. He says that “if he takes it off he’s not sure he can get the monster back in the cage.” When they’re downstairs later, after Judd sees the memorial wall Owen tells him “the monster is coming out either way,” and up until last week’s episode, we never really had a clear picture of how Owen coped after 9/11. There’s still a lot we don’t know but before we knew that he threw himself into his work and that he and Gwyn had fought about it. In the last episode he talks about it more, how he was drinking more in addition to burying himself at work. How he and Gwyn were fighting often enough and badly enough that the parrot was bothered enough to get involved and hold a grudge against him for almost 20 years. Knowing all that his assurance to Judd that there will be no avoiding the feelings puts so many things in a new light. It falls into the pattern I’ve noticed of them slowly peeling back Owen’s facade and I’m really hoping they keep going with that because the man is primed for a downward spiral and now putting new episodes up against earlier ones, I do think they might actually be setting that up.

[thebluestbluewords]

Watch Me On Your (Video Phone)

Core Four, general ~drama~ and hints at what might be the larger plot here. Set during D1, 2400 words.

*

“Thanks Fairy Godmother.” Jay says. He’s the only one of them who seems to be able to speak right now. Mal can’t, she knows that for sure, and Evie doesn’t seem to be able to either, if her lock-jawed silence is anything to go by. Her face looks perfect as always, but one of the delicate crystal drops in her tiara is twisted around sideways, sitting ever so slightly out of place.

Mal reaches out to tap it back into place.

Evie straightens her shoulders automatically, dropping them down and back as she lifts her chin and twitches her hand up towards her hair, a small movement, cut off before she fully executes it.

“Fixing your crown,” Mal whispers. “There’s a drop out of place, that’s all. You look perfect.”

“I’m not very perfect if there’s a drop out of place,” Evie hisses back, but she stays still so that Mal can fix it instead of running to a mirror to do it herself, so that’s something. Ever since her magic mirror almost got confiscated for being a “dangerous magical object”, Evie’s taken to hiding it any time they’re not in one of their rooms.

“Our parents agreed to this?” Carlos is asking. “Really?”

Fair Godmother frowns slightly. “Well, yes,” she says. “It’s been ever so long since they’ve seen you in person, and we made sure to stress the importance of this tradition in the letter--”

“You sent them a letter?” Mal bursts out, before she thinks about the words. “You think that’s going to mean anything to my mother? You might as well have sent a carrier pigeon to bounce off the barrier for all the good that’s going to do! We don’t receive mail, except for that oh-so-official royal summons we got to come here, and that’s only because my mother could tell from a mile away that something was up with that. If you sent them a letter on school stationery my mom is going to delight in burning it, and she’ll probably make your future funeral pyre with the ashes.”

“Your parents,” Fairy Godmother says frostily, turning to look at Mal, “have responded by mail, taken in personally by our courier. They did not burn the envelope, as it was, in fact, printed and distributed by royal decree. The young prince thought it best that the missive came from the crown itself, presumably after hearing as much from one of you four.”

“I’m sorry,” Evie breathes. “I told him about the mail when we were talking about the possibility of increasing isle infrastructure programs.”

Fairy Godmother looks at her. Evie looks back, shamefaced, glancing demurely up through her lashes. “I’m sorry to cause a scene, Fairy Godmother.” she says. “We’re very grateful for the chance to hear from our parents, really. I’m grateful that Ben was so thoughtful when he got the letter to our parents. It’s just an unexpected surprise.”

Fairy Godmother’s face softens. Evie’s always been better at manipulating adults than Mal is, which is why Mal should remember to keep her damn mouth shut when Evie’s around to do it better than she’ll ever be able to. They’re playing a delicate game here, and talking to their parents is only going to make things more difficult. Mal hates talking to her mother at the best of times, and with Fairy Godmother listening in and the potential for other cameras in the classroom…it’s not going to be pretty, is what she’s thinking.

“Your parents agreed to the call quite gracefully,” Fairy Godmother says, speaking to Evie and Mal now and largely ignoring the boys, as is her custom. It’s sort of ideal right now actually, because whatever silent conversation is going on between the boys doesn’t seem especially good and gentle and appropriate for the classroom. “They’re quite excited to hear from you, your mother especially, Evie dear.”

“Oh.” Evie says.

“How wonderful!” Mal chirps. Look happy and unassuming, that’ll buy them a bit more time before the old bat makes them actually talk to their parents. And maybe give Evie a moment to get herself together again. “I’m so looking forward to hearing from my mother again.”

“I’m sure she’ll be delighted to hear from you, dear.” Fairy Godmother says, looking at Mal with an expression that might be something close to pity. Disgusting. Mal is the heir to unimaginable magical power, and she is not something to be pitied. Her mother is the spineless worm in their relationship, and before long Mal is going to finally get her chance to pour a bucket of iron shavings down her throat and laugh over the corpse.

“Oh, I’m sure!” Mal says brightly. Stall for as long as she can, that’s the way it goes. The longer she delays the shorter the inevitable call is going to be, and the less chance their parents will have to ruin this for them. “It’ll be such a lovely reminder of home, seeing them again. We’re so excited, really.”

“Wonderful, dear.” Fairy Godmother says. “If you’ll give me a moment I can set the call up right now, and you’ll have plenty of time to talk with them before class is over.”

Carlos snorts. “You really think they’re going to be able to make a video call?” he snaps, voice flat. “We don’t exactly have laptops on the isle.”

“We sent over a laptop for them that is wifi enabled and has all of the necessary programs installed, so yes,” Fairy Godmother says, “I do believe that they’ll be able to make the call. I understand that some older adults can struggle with technology, but-”

“You think we have wifi?” Carlos demands, eyebrows inching up his forehead as his voice gets even more incredulous. “Your magical dome blocks fucking everything—”

“Language—!”

“Dad knows how to use the dial-up.” Jay interrupts.

Good catch there Jay. The teachers, and especially Fairy Godmother really don’t like it when they use their parent’s names and titles instead of calling them mommy and daddy like the good little Auradon kids they’re pretending to be.

“Sure,” Carlos says, already scanning the room for exits, like they aren’t in here three times a week already. It’s a coping thing, Mal knows that, but it’s not going to endear him any to Fairy Godmother, who prefers it when people give her their full undivided attention while she’s talking. Besides, the only exits they’ll be able to get away with in this situation are the glass doors at the back of the room. The door up front behind the chalkboard leads to the secret hallway between the classrooms and the teacher’s rooms, and it’s not one that they’re allowed to use while there's any teacher present, much less the headmistress. The windows along the upper side of the classroom are possible exits, but Evie can’t scale the wall in her heels, and they’re not safe to use with adults around either.

They’re stuck in this situation, and Mal’s determined to get them through it, without resorting to running away.

“I don’t think our parents will be able to connect to the call, Fairy Godmother.” Mal says. “But it’s very kind of you to set this up anyway.”

Fairy Godmother offers her a condescending little smile. “I know you may not trust your parents with the new technology dear, but I assure you that the guards who delivered the computer and supplies said that they were very excited to see you children again.”

Fuck.

“Of course, Fairy Godmother.” Mal says, doing her ever-fucking best to keep her face even and not scrunched up into a teeth-barred growl that she’d like to. The result is a sort of pained grimace that scrunches her nose up in a way that her mother has told her over and over doesn’t actually hide anything, but it’s what Mal can manage right now, so that’s what she’s going to make work.

It has to work.

“Good, good.” Fairy Godmother says absently, ignoring her students and plugging cords into the laptop that she has set out onto one of the older A/V carts. There’s nicer new ones, but they’re only in use in the science wing, and certainly aren’t going to be used for a class of only villain children. They can’t be trusted after all, not after the things they’ve done to the poor innocent technology in other buildings. “Just a moment and this will be all set up, dearest.”

Mal definitely hadn’t meant to break the library computer while looking up a recipe for chocolate chip cookies, but mistakes happen, and sometimes when a girl isn’t allowed to officially train her magic into something useful, it comes out in weird ways. Like sending a bolt of 375 degree energy down the cord connecting the computer to the mouse, and frying a bunch of the insides like they’re the cookies she was trying to bake. Just normal technology mistakes, something that could happen to anybody.

Or. Almost anybody, at least. Fairy Godmother’s perfect daughter Jane never makes stupid mistakes with her magic, but Mal’s pretty sure that’s because the poor girl has less magic in her entire body than Mal has in her little finger.

“Is there any chance that we’ll be able to take a moment to fix our hair?” Evie asks, eyes huge and face attractively relaxed into something between a blank look and a gentle princess smile. “I’ll only take a second, and I want to look my best for my mother.”

Fairy Godmother glances up from her tangled cords. “Well–”

“It’s been so long since I fixed it last, and I’ll just be a minute,” Evie adds. “Please.”

“If you must, but be quick, child!” Fairy Godmother calls after Evie’s retreating figure. Evie herself is already out the door, beelining for the bathrooms just outside their classroom. Goddess help them, Mal hopes that she’s only fixing her hair and lipstick in there, and not anything more stupid and self-destructive to appease the theoretical digital image of Grimhilde that they’re about to see.

“Are we waiting until she’s back?” Carlos asks, still scanning the room as subtly as he seems to be able to manage, which to his credit is probably too subtle for Fairy Godmother to notice. Mal can see the way his eyes are still flickering over every exit in the room though, and it’s a little worrying. “She shouldn’t miss this.”

Fairy Godmother sighs. “We can wait a moment, if anyone else would like a chance to freshen up.” she says. She’d probably like a chance to ‘freshen up’ herself, the old bat, Mal thinks to herself. Despite being the oldest magic user that she’s ever heard of, Fairy Godmother never seems to look her age until she’s around Mal’s pack for a while. Strange, the way things just work out sometimes.

“Thanks,” Jay says, without moving. He’s keeping his body in between Fairy Godmother and Carlos, which is probably the smartest move he can make right now. Fairy Godmother and their littlest pack member have an antagonistic relationship at best, and one of outright distrust and hostility at worse. Springing this surprise on them unannounced is going to fuck with all of them pretty badly, but it’s going to be an especially bad night for the insomniac crew tonight, Mal can tell that already.

Her blood feels like it’s pumping double-time in her veins just thinking about seeing her mother again, even just through a video call. Her magic, which is an ever-present force at her fingertips, is buzzing to be released. Her body is burning to do something, anything which will get them out of this unharmed. Her mind knows that it’s already too late, but her body is ready. Or whatever it is the Auradon kids say on their phones these days.

Gods, she really doesn’t want to deal with the fallout of whatever this call is going to be.

The door thumps open, and Mal clenches her jaw so tight that she can feel all of her teeth creak to avoid whipping around in her seat and throwing a fireball so big it’ll burn the whole building down at the intruder.

A set of sturdy, comfortable high heeled boots click down the aisle between the desks. The tile floor in here makes everything sound so very loud, Mal knows this.

Evie drops into the seat next to Mal. “Thank you all for waiting, and thank you for allowing me to go, Fairy Godmother.” she says, brushing a tendril of hair back from her face. She’s refreshed her eyeliner, and it’s so sharp and perfect that if it were a sword, she could slice the very air from Mal’s lungs before she’s feel it. Sharper than a scalpel, that’s their Evie.

“No trouble at all dear,” Fairy Godmother says, tapping away at something on the screen. “Your parents have just connected to the call, so if you would mind coming closer to the screen, there we are dearies…”

She gestures them forwards with an expectant flutter of her hand. Oh, but Mal doesn’t want to move right now. This desk, which she’s never really felt a particular affinity for before, is really a wonderful place to sit.

She’s the leader. The alpha. She has to be the first one to move.

Mal stands, dropping both of her hands into their okay singal. It’s the best she can manage right now, short of actually pulling Evie up alongside her. They’re going to have to pick up on it. It’s going to have to be fine, or else Mal is going to have to find some sort of drastic measure to make sure that nobody fucking runs away from whatever special circle of hell they’re going to go through in a moment, and she doesn’t have the physical or mental capacity for that today, not with the way things have been going lately.

Her pack follows the lead, thank the goddess. They shuffle forward, settling into their usual huddle. Mal and Carlos on the inside, Jay and Evie flanking them. Evie at Mal’s right hand, and Jay at her left, between Fairy Godmother and their crew, ready to keep their family safe. Sure, Jay’s hand is tight on the back of Carlos’s shirt, and Carlos is holding the leash that Ben brought for him to drag the little school dog around like it’s the only thing keeping him from flying rather acrobatically right off the fucking handle, but they’re fine. This is all going to be fine.

Fairy Godmother hits one last button, and glances back over her shoulder to beam at Mal’s crew. “They’re here!” she announces, like they can’t all see the bright red button on the bottom of the screen flashing that the call is live.

Ugh. Mal leans forward.

“Hi mom,” she says. “Long time no see, huh?”

[howlingsaturn]

here's why the police station scene is, and will always be, the best and most meaningful tarlos scene.

we watched TK deliberately pick a fight and we realise that he's not doing well at all. we see him struggle with the aftermath of the break up, the overdose and probably the move to Texas and that's great. it shows that his problems don't suddenly disappear once he's out of New York.

Carlos doing his job, sitting at his desk, in uniform. do i need to add to that? maybe i do: have you seen the way he flicks his keys when he’s walking around TK? wow. just wow. 

we find out TK's full name. and Carlos, out of all people, is the one to tell us.

"Isn't you processing me like a conflict of interest or something?" — TK acknowledges their connection. it's meant as a joke, obviously, he tries to deflect, but he does not deny that there's something between them and that is a very crucial point.

Carlos reaching for TK's wrist to take off the handcuffs. i don't know why but there's something strangely intimate about it. (my darling alice, @reyeslonestar, said that it's a metaphor in the way that Carlos is freeing TK from his fears and insecurities, thus allowing him to finally open up to someone and that's beautiful.)

"The bad news is that means you did this with a clear head." — TK's face. that's all. just look at his face when Carlos says his piece. he's hurting so much, you can literally see it in his eyes.

Carlos is both gentle and firm during his talk. he's careful not to push his boundaries but he feels close enough to TK, which says a lot about the instant connection they shared, to not be afraid to speak his mind. it's obviously something TK needed to hear and it's so important that it's Carlos who does it instead of, for example, Owen. Owen is too close, he's had the front row seat to his son's drama. but Carlos is more neutral, he's only known TK from a distance (excluding the intimacy part, y'know what i mean) but he's an observer. he saw TK and that's the beautiful part. he's cared enough to see him, to notice what was going on and TK needed that. he needed someone different, someone special but not someone close enough to really see him. Carlos also acknowledges that TK is suicidal (thank you @singerofsimplesongs for pointing that one out). it's something that was brought up in the first episode when Owen asked him and even though TK denied it, there is some truth to it and i think that we, as an audience, also got a better understanding of how serious this actually is.

the crud thing; Carlos wiping away the blood. they're on thin ice at that moment but Carlos still reaches out and takes care of TK. that's how much TK has already influenced his life. and TK lets him. he's vulnerable, he's hurting, he has every reason to turn away and walk out, to be mad and isolate himself. but he doesn't do any of it. he lays himself bare and allows Carlos to take care of him and that’s a huge effing thing for someone like TK. there’s also the way Carlos clutches the tissue afterwards like he chastises himself for doing it. TK is not the only one taking a risk here, Carlos is too. he allows TK to see him too. he’s not afraid to show TK that he cares about him. and, of course, the way they look at each other,,, which brings me to my next point.

the eye contact. you can see how confused and vulnerable they both are and you can also see how much they care about each other even in this very early, very fragile state of their relationship. (kudos to rafael and ronen for this one. their emotions are so palpable in their eyes, that's just a+ acting.)

TK opening up to Carlos and telling him about the break up, the relapse and the numbness. that's insane considering they barely know each other and TK hasn't told anyone else. it plays such a crucial part in his development. in order to heal he needed to acknowledge it, he needed to say it out loud and Carlos was right there to listen. the fact that TK felt safe enough to be this honest also tells us a lot about what kind of man Carlos is: the best. (there's so much fragility in TK's voice too, just listen to how quiet he gets all of the sudden. it honest to God gave me goosebumps the first time i watched it. ronen delivered these lines beautifully.)

Carlos apologising for the champagne. he didn't know, there's no way he could've known but he's so frustrated with himself because of it. this just shows how sweet he is, how he wants to make everyone feel welcomed and comfortable, and you bet he is the type of person who won't forget this. who will go out of his way to ensure that TK never feels awkward or insecure about his addiction. also have you seen his face when TK explained that he's relapsed with substances? did you see the shock on his face when it clicked? and he wasn't shocked about the confession but because he thought he had messed up horribly. i mean, this man is just too pure for his own good.

“I guess I just- I wanted to feel something”  — Carlos’ face when TK said that. this man is hurting for someone he literally just met and he already wants to take some of the weight TK carries. i said it before and i will say it again: carlos reyes is the sweetest and kindest human being with the biggest fucking heart. he is so enamored with TK, it actually makes me wanna cry sometimes.

"You’re really busting my balls right now?" — it was meant to lighten the mood and not just in terms of telling a story on television. Carlos knew how hard this must've been for TK, how much he's struggled with this confession and Carlos wants to show him that it's okay, that it doesn't need to change anything between them. he falls back into their playful banter, easing TK into something that he's familiar with because being so vulnerable certainly wasn't. it's such a relief for TK because he turned away, he was about to leave and let that confession hang awkwardly between them but Carlos didn't let him. he offered him support in a way that worked best for TK and the fact that Carlos picked up on that tells us again, how deep their connection actually runs. their relationship is not just physical and it's something that TK realised during that conversation, paving the way for them to become more. and that's fucking beautiful.

thank you for coming to my ted talk, that’ll be all. for now. also thank you to everyone who left me a little message and talked to me about this scene. it’s one of my favourite things to do sksjdksk.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x09 Review

Spring Break was a bit of an odd ep but helped move some key plots forward. Let’s dig in!

Well people can no longer claim that Portwell is one sided. We finally got Gina’s pov and she starts off the ep uncertain whether the shift in their relationship means that EJ likes her but by the end of the ep she seems sure of herself and that EJ likes her back. I liked that she didn’t try to pretend that nothing had changed or that she hadn’t noticed potential signs that EJ might like her; it always sucks when tv characters act like idiots. 

Perhaps the most important reveal of this ep was that Gina has a much older estranged brother who left her and her mom many years ago. That certainly makes her backstory more tragic and is definite set up for her brother to eventually return.

The writers continue to give Portwell great tropes, capping this ep off with an airport rom-com trope that also calls back to EJ getting Gina the place ticket so she could come back in S1. Not only did Gina keep EJ’s Duke sweatshirt but she altered it to fit her better which is both sweet and bold in the assumption that it was hers to keep. Gina got her sign when not only did EJ show up to drive Gina home and take her luggage but he brought her the granola bar that she had wanted but forgot to pack. I wonder if her posting on her story that she was ubering home after her flight was cancelled was intended to see if EJ would show up since the camera focused on her posting it. Also sweet that she’s taken to calling EJ, ‘ Eej’. 

EJ’s opening was good, shows a lot of his character growth from the selfish guy he was in S1 and how he’s learned to value other people which of course leads into his feelings for Gina. We got another great use of the camera as character tonight when Gina was laughing after her facetime call with EJ until she realized that the camera was on her. 

Jack was a lot of fun. Though he didn’t really change Gina’s mind over anything like the ep description said he would.  Seemed like Gina was largely over Ricky and wondering about EJ at the beginning and the end solidified her feelings for EJ but Jack didn’t really play a role in that, it’s not like he encouraged Gina to reach out to EJ or anything. There’s a vague sense in which Jack being nomadic linked him to Ricky’s unreliability in Gina’s eyes with her craving stability but that’s a stretch. Jack mentioned that the second most dangerous part of a plane ride is when the plane takes off, a hint to the blossoming Portwell relationship where in order to take off one or both of them has to risk a confession even though they could be turned down.

This ep might seem a bit weird in hindsight. The zoom parts probably won’t age well and five years from now people might be wondering why they had Gina hang out with a manic pixie dream boy of sorts for an ep.

The path is clear for canon Portwell in the finale with EJ being Gina’s second chance at romance and her first kiss since they clearly telegraphed it out of nowhere. I’ve been impressed with the great work the writers have been doing since 2x05 to build up Portwell as a ship but also work on Gina and EJ as individual characters; they’ve been the highlight of the season so far. 

There was discourse this past week over how well or poorly Portwell has been set up. Objectively very few ships on this show get much in the way of set up or consistent writing. Redlyn and Kowie had barely any set up before getting together. Seblos had none (though in fairness that was due to Disney restrictions) and Miss Jenn and Mike Bowen didn’t have much set up either. Rini did get lots of development in S1 but that’s because they had already dated and were the main ship of the show. The show’s not really about slow burns, if Jenzzara canons in the finale they’ll count and if Rina ever got together they’d also count but neither of those ships have gotten consistent development with Mazzara not being in several eps and Gina and Ricky not even interacting for the past 3 eps. 

Is Portwell a slowburn? In a sense since they did feature quite a bit in each other’s S1 plot lines and even had a fake dating plot but it is true that they were platonic and not that close in S1 so it’s a wash. There was clear set up for romantic Portwell in 1x10 with team wonderstudies and Gina staring at EJ (which interestingly enough looked more like set up for Gina to pine over EJ). I think the main problem is that even though we saw Gina and EJ hanging out in the background we didn’t get any scenes of substance between them until 2x05. It was a mistake and there should have been some scene, like EJ and Gina commiserating in 2x03 over being single on Valentine’s Day or something like that. Hell there was even that still from 2x01 of EJ and Gina looking at each other at the piano while they were in the frame between Ricky and Nini singing and having a moment  which would have been good foreshadowing but that shot wasn’t in the ep.

Whether Tim just really wanted Portwell to be a surprise in 2x05 as a mid-season twist to throw the audience off of what looked like a Rini/Rina triangle or he was unsure as to whether he wanted to go with Portwell or if he just planned it out poorly we may never know. Regardless they’ve had great writing for 4 eps in a row now which puts them slightly ahead of the 3 eps in a row of development Rina got in S1. I’m sure if someone added up their screen time they’d find that Portwell has more screen time this season than Kowie and more screen time than Redlyn or Seblos  got in S1. 

Caswell cousins was fun and Ashlyn did in fact paint EJ’s nails. 

Set up for Seblos drama next week, it’s refreshing to see Seb being jealous over Carlos flirting with other boys that’s definitely not something you see on Disney shows.

Ricky got some healing done with his mom. Enough to cover their issues? No but this is probably the best this show is capable of. There was a brief mention of therapy sandwiched between other options which sounds more like checking off a box then setting up Ricky actually going to therapy. I noticed Lynne was smiling at odd times like when she told Ricky she knew about his breakup with Nini; whether that was poor directing or acting I don’t know. Who knows if we’ll see Lynne again. As an aside still so wild that Tim named Lynne who’s been a kinda shitty mom after his own mom who he seems to be fairly close with.

Really liked You ain’t seen nothin as a song but not a fan of the Tiktok style vid. I’ll level with you wildcats, I’m too old to really get Tiktok, it just seems like a crappy version of Vine to me. Let you go was good, seemed better fitted for Joshua Bassett’s voice than some of his previous songs. A big sign that they’re not circling back to Rini for a long time for sure. Though on that note we got a bit of a hint that Ricky was Nini’s muse which may one day come back as a way to help bring them back together. 

Looking Ahead:

If there’s only 3 weeks left till the Menkies, with only 2 weeks left for rehearsal due to spring break, it’s hard to see East High winning unless North High is disqualified or has to withdraw. 

Lily is in a promo photo so she’s likely the unexpected facetime Ricky gets which is what I had theorized. Also makes it much more likely that she’s the party crasher Ricky re-evaluates in the finale though what Tim actually wants to do with those two I do not know.

There’s little point in bringing back the Valentine’s chocolate since there’s no real stakes. Rini are already broken up, Gina hasn’t spoken to Ricky since 2x06, and it’s not like Nini and Gina were ever close so even if they stopped talking to each other it wouldn’t really affect the show in any way. 

Seems pretty likely that Second Chances refers to Gina realizing that her first try with Ricky failed but her second chance with EJ won’t and that leads to her sharing her truth and cue the Portwell confession and kiss, perhaps with an assist on EJ’s end from Mazzara. We’ve gone well past the point where Portwell can be brushed off as just a plot device to help Rina but Tim is playing with fire by getting the audience so on board with Portwell if he’s once again going to have EJ lose a girl he likes to Ricky in S3.

Gina certainly needs to talk with Ricky and I do think that happens in ep 11 or 12 and leaves them on better terms. As I mentioned last week, if Tim was smart he’d slam the door on Rina if he’s going with canon Portwell or vice versa. If he wants Rina to be a slow burn he’s really botched the writing this season, it’s been too one sided and too angsty to sustain any kind of momentum or audience interest. They haven’t even interacted for 3 eps now and not only has it not affected the show but it’s inarguably made Gina’s story line much better.  Again I don’t think he’s smart enough to not try and do Portwell and then later Rina but he’s accidentally set up the Rina story line to quite easily slam the door permanently on them by having their conversation be closure for Gina who’s moved on and an apology from Ricky who never liked her back as much as Gina liked him.

Not looking forward to seeing Nini basically live out Olivia Rodrigo’s life in future seasons

Curious to see Carlos’ apology song to Seb. Ricky helping him with it is a great way to help start redeeming Ricky’s character in the audiences eye’s. According to Matt there is a bit of a Ricky/EJ rivalry this season and if it’s really happening the sleepover would be a good place to do it though I hope it’s not about Gina. 

Until next week wildcats.

[organic-guacamole]

I've got a lot of thoughts on this finale.

starting with the length.

27 minutes? really?

I'm not asking for a 2 hour episode but cmon, at least give us something closer to 40 minutes.

next, the characters

the characters just didn't feel like themselves, especially portwell.

all season long we saw how much potential they had, how well communicated they were, how good they were at being a proper, healthy couple, and now they just can't talk to each other?

it doesn't feel like them.

portwell had arguably the best set up of all the other ships, they showed us how good they had the potential to be only to throw in a cheap plot to wrap it up? I would understand that they want some angst to make the ending all the more satisfying, but this was pathetic.

there I said it.

of all the ways to add drama in a ship, don't use the one that completely contradicts their entire development.

paired with the length of the episode, it seemed even more poorly written.

here I made a lovely, handy dandy homemade graph to represent how I see portwell's storyline:

as i said before, we saw the build up being nearly perfect. they peaked during episodes 9-11 because they just had the chemistry, the communication, and the most potential to be the endgame couple.

they just got eachother.

then we get Jamie popping in for 10 seconds and erasing a lot of that, only for mediator Ashlyn to jump in and solve their problems.

then there's the "kiss".

I know that Sofia is underage and that even if she/her legal guardians consent to the kiss, the writers can still decide not to show it, but still. In my opinion, if you're not going to show the kiss, then don't bother.

there are other ways to establish a relationship that would work better in this situation. Of course if they get together they'll have to kiss sometime, but one way they could postpone it is by having Gina be a bit more reluctant to give away her first kiss like that. it could also show how accomodating EJ is.

I like to think that Gina is very meticulous when making decisions so she'll probably want to be very sure of the relationship before giving him her first kiss. perhaps she'd stick to cheek kisses until she's ready, and then she kisses him and he's surprised.

that would've been, in my opinion, a sufficient way to hold off the kiss while still wrapping up portwell until season 3 when Sofia would be 18 (assuming they get picked up for S3 this summer then start filming fall-winter. Sofia will be 18 in January).

as my friend @rtcosley (idk why it's not letting me tag them, so their page is linked) said,

"They created like 10 plots

And instead of wrapping it up

They added 4 more"

there's just so much more they could've done...it's the season finale for crying out loud.

I get that seblos already had (what I assume is) their storyline for the season, the fight and resolution. Ignoring the fact that that only lasted for 2 episodes and didn't have anything to do with what we were expecting, (i.e.the financial differences between their families, as mentioned in episode 1, the fact that everyone treats seb like he's stupid, this being carlos' first show and the drama that the stress of that caused, etc.), seblos had to purpose this episode than to stand next to eachother and be gay.

I get that they're not part of the core four or anything, but the poster for season 2 has all of them, as opposed to season 1 just being the core four.

They deserved better, just like redlyn and kowie.

redlyn's arc was pretty early in the season compared to the other ships. they had Ashlyn confessing her insecurities in episode 3, antoine stirring the pot of confusion and causing a bit of distance between them briefly, and then big red confessing his goals and plans for the future in episode 8 and for the rest of it, we just see them getting closer and more comfortable with each other and caring about each other more and more.

they had a good arc together.

but that's just it. I wanted to see them have their own arcs. but then again, this show can't seem to balance multiple storylines. I think it is possible, but not when they keep adding new characters that don't contribute anything much to the story(more on that later).

kowie's storyline is... confusing.

I really like their dynamic, how carefree and happy Kourtney gets around him, how she's remaining true to herself and managing a million and one things, plus a relationship in her own without losing herself to it all.

but the main issue I have is that the entire development was never shown.

we went from strangers, to coworkers, to friends that flirt, to lovers that text constantly and went on numerous dates (and Howie met her mother at some point). but all of that, was off screen.

it's like the writers made every episode with them in it kind of thrown in at a new stage of relationship progression and said "here, accept this, no questions asked because we don't have answers"

I just wish we could've seen more of howie trying to get in her good side again after episode 7 because it seems like that's when a lot of it happened.

I appreciate the Rini scene in this episode, seems to be the very end of them, for good this time.

i'm happy about that.

Ricky especially deserves to be free for a while to focus on his development, and Nini has the chance now to really shine through her talents and make a name for herself.

The Rini storyline is the only one I'm fully satisfied with.

now, that being said;

what the heck are they trying to pull with Lily and Ricky rn???

just like that.

after lily being the villain this whole season, they're just gonna not redeem her and then have her confess her feelings to Ricky, a guy she barely knows and only talked to to harass and intimidate, and for him to reject her publicly then call her afterwards?

please I hope it's just to say "you dropped something, here it is and never contact me again, thanks." /hj

speaking of the villains, this season was promoted as the season of rivalry between North and East High right? so why did that plot idea only progress in about 3 out if 12 episodes?

we got Zackey Roy in there for a few episodes then he disappeared, Lily just caused Gina to stay true to her friends in episode 2 and 7 and then basically did nothing else?

this is what I mean by the new characters providing nothing to the show.

the writers can't manage having so many characters and plots at once so they start so many promising arcs, only to kick them aside later on.

we already know that the first half of the season felt like filler episodes, so I think they could've cut those down to leave room for the more important plots to take root, rather than have them pop up and get rushed at the end of the season.

all that, and they just add 4 more plots at the end of the season.

this post sounds very negative looking back...but if I'm being honest with myself, I'm just very very disappointed.

I love this show so much and I really expected better for the season finale, especially if they don't know if it's getting renewed or not.

given the IMDB ratings of this episode so far, I don't have very high expectations for the renewal, but I'm still hopeful because this show is a great thing, one of the best things that happened to me over the course of this quarantine. I've become so attached to this show, the cast and the friends I made through it, that I don't know what I would do if it just ends like this. writing these reviews and posts about this season has been so fun for me to do and thinking that this may be the very last one is a painful thought.

I'm sorry if you were expecting this post to be as light-hearted as my other posts about the episodes, I just had a lot to say about this episode in particular.

all my episode posts are tagged with "#guac's episode text blocks :)" in case you wanna read through and reminisce the simpler times🥲

[beeexx]

I honestly wouldn’t mind the pregnancy storyline so much if Lone Star was a different show. I wouldn’t mind the pregnancy storyline if the show spent time on its other characters. I wouldn’t mind the pregnancy storyline if Paul, Mateo, Marjan, Carlos and Grace got enough screen time to be developed characters beyond what we have gotten so far. I wouldn’t mind the pregnancy storyline if Owen wasn’t in every goddamn episode somehow managing to be central to every storyline, stealing development from others. I wouldn’t mind the pregnancy storyline if Gwyneth didn’t only exist for Owen’s benefit and was allowed to be a character outside of him. 

If all of the other characters were developed by this point, much like the 911 characters who have arcs spaced out between each episode, where trauma just doesn’t disappear after we’ve given them screen time for one ep, but is a continuous journey as the show moves forward, then sure the pregnancy storyline would be fine. It would also be a really good interesting study of Gwen and Owen as parents, if I trusted the show’s writers to include past issues, but they most likely won’t. 

What I would really want out of the storyline is some accountability, for Owen and Gwen to realise that yes they did love TK, we know that, but they really did let him down. I mean the show has hinted before of TK being neglected as a child and left alone a lot because Owen and Gwen were so focused on their own careers they kind of forgot to care about the most important thing in their life. And I think it’s fascinating that they talk about TK in this ep, showing baby pictures, Owen smiling when he talks about TK at the station. No one doubts that Owen loves TK (I mean Gwen loves him too but they have had no scenes sooo....yeah not gonna say more) but the fact is that Owen has in this episode, this very much idolised view of how he experienced raising TK, meanwhile from what we kind of now, TK has a different view of it. And Owen and Gwen don’t seem to actually see the disconnect there, that yes your child is amazing, but it wasn’t easy for him being second to everything else in your lives and it led him down a route with his own sets of issues. And it’s kind of on Owen and Gwen that they didn’t see that. And it’s exactly like Carlos said, parents are nice people and they’re not bad because of their shortcomings, but neither are they perfect and neither is Gwen and Owen.

I also think, and this is my own personal view, that there is a little bit of shame and pressure on TK when it comes to Owen. Because Owen, to the outside, is kind of perfect. He’s adored by his whole station, he’s liberal, accepting, cool and obviously TK thinks those things too, but he was let down by Owen, he was. And to come to terms with that part of his life, while everyone adores Owen the way they seem to do (yes they know he can be a mess I’m sure) must be really hard, because how can someone who is so accepting of his own son, have made mistakes? And how does that even make sense? How do I even begin to understand it myself? Or tell others about it?

I just hope it’s a route the show would go down...it would make it more interesting. Also, if Owen’s about to be a father I’m hoping he learns to take a step back and let the others do the job and he stays on the side like an actual realistic captain would do. Lol, this is wishful thinking on my part. 

And I also wouldn’t mind the pregnancy storyline if Paul, Carlos and Mateo had developed arcs by now and the whole fandom could write pages worth of meta. As it stands, it’s even hard to know what they like doing on their spare time, who are Mateo and Paul outside of the station, who is Carlos outside of TK...

[morganaspendragonss]

if your looking for a bth prompt what about used in sacrificial ritual where tk gets abducted on a run and carlos is the lead detective on this case of people getting murdered as sacrifices and they arrive in time to save tk but the ritual involved cutting limbs off and tk ends up losing a leg? perhaps w lots of fluff at the end? <3<3

anon, i cannot tell you how excited this prompt got me. i’d been toying with a very similar idea for weeks and this was the push i needed to actually write it - with certain modifications to fit your idea. (i promise it has a happy ending!)

i’m super proud of how this came out, and i hope you like it as much as i do!

@911lonestarangstweek day 7:  Free choice!

Two months ago, TK vanished, snatched while out on his evening run. Carlos will do anything to get him back, even if that includes running himself into the ground.

ao3 | 4.9k | cw: kidnapping, depictions of violence, death and injury, forced amputation, career-ending injuries

It’s been two months.

Two whole months since TK left for his evening run with nothing but a shouted goodbye and a promise to be home soon.

Two months since Carlos hadn’t even turned around, because apparently the dishes were more important than his husband.

Two months since they found TK’s shattered phone and wallet, abandoned in the park next to a pool of blood.

Two months since Carlos’s world came crashing down around him.

He blames himself - how could he not? He’s been the lead detective on this case for months; he’s the one who’s so far failed to catch the guys who have mutilated and killed so many people, and now might do the same to his husband. More to the point, he’s the one who is supposed to protect TK, and it’s clear he’s resoundly failed in that department.

His captain had tried to take him off the case, once they’d found out that TK had become the latest victim. But Carlos had informed him in no uncertain terms that he was going to keep looking for his husband, even if he had to go above his head to do it. 

They’d allowed him to keep the case, but Carlos knows he’s being watched. They think he’s having a breakdown and, the thing is, Carlos isn’t entirely sure they’re wrong.

He hasn’t slept in their bed since the night it happened, when he got woken up at two am to the sound of his ringtone blaring through the room.

“Reyes,” Mitchell had said, tone heavy. “I… Shit, Reyes. You gotta get here. There’s another one and I… I really didn’t want to be telling you this over the phone, but…”

She’d paused, and Carlos had sat bolt upright in bed, suddenly all too aware of the empty space next to him. And, in that moment, he’d known; even so, he’d still choked out a quiet, “No.”

“I’m sorry, Carlos. I truly am.”

*

He’s been living in a daze ever since, work and TK the only two things on his mind. He eats when he has to, barely sleeps, and never hangs out with their friends anymore, which he almost feels guilty for. They’re suffering too, Carlos knows this, but he can’t afford any distractions right now. If he were to be out somewhere and ends up missing the one chance he has to get TK back, he’d never forgive himself.

He’s just about to leave for another shift when there’s a loud, insistent knock at the door. Carlos rolls his eyes and goes to yank it open, about to tell whoever it is to leave him alone.

Only to come face-to-face with a very determined looking Grace Ryder.

“Grace,” he sighs, irritation dissipating. “Can this wait? I’ve got a -”

“I know you don’t have an official shift today, Carlos,” she interrupts, folding her arms. “Just like I know you’re working yourself to death, and I’m not going to stand for it anymore. You’re coming out with me, no arguments.”

Carlos shakes his head. “Grace… I can’t.”

“Oh, yes, you can.” She clicks her tongue, levelling him with an unimpressed stare. "You should be thanking me; Judd was planning on bringing the entire crew down here to stage a full intervention. Now, I managed to talk him out of that one, convinced him the last thing you need right now is a house full of people, but I will not hesitate to go back on that. So you've got two options. Either you go back upstairs and get changed and I'll take you out for coffee, just the two of us, or I'm gonna unleash my husband and the full force of the 126 on you. Choice is yours, Reyes."

He sighs, wearily meeting her eyes. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

"No, sir, you are not."

Carlos closes his eyes and hangs his head, knowing just how stubborn Grace Ryder can be. “Alright,” he says, though his every nerve is screaming at him for it, “you win. Give me a minute.”

She smiles encouragingly at him. “I’ll be here.”

*

The coffee-shop Grace takes him to is mercifully empty, both of people and memories. He wonders if she did this on purpose, but figures it’s more a stroke of pure luck, his first in months. It’s a nice place; he’ll have to remember it for when - if - they get TK back.

Grace quickly returns with their drinks, placing a sandwich in front of Carlos, too. “Don’t even argue,” she warns. “I won’t hear it.”

Carlos forces a smile. “Thanks, Grace.”

They sit in silence for a while, Carlos keeping his gaze turned to the table, picking listlessly at the sandwich. He can feel Grace’s eyes on him, feel the tension in the air between them, and part of him wishes she’d just come out with it already.

The other part wants to run for the hills, but he’s pretty sure Grace would catch him before he got too far.

Eventually, she sighs, setting her mug down and leaning across the table. “Carlos, we miss you,” she says softly. “I know it’s tough, but you’ve barely spoken to any of us since it happened. We’re worried.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“No.” She shakes her head, voice still unbearably gentle. “You’ve been keeping yourself busy. There’s a difference. And that’s okay, up to a point, but you haven’t given yourself a break in two months and that is not okay. You know TK wouldn’t want you to be doing this.”

“You say that like he’s dead.”

Grace sucks in a sharp breath. “Sweetheart, you know that is not what I meant -”

“Maybe you’re right,” he cuts in, ignoring the pain in his chest as he finally looks up at Grace. “It’s been two months; you know as well as I do what survival rates are for missing persons, even in normal circumstances.” His breathing trembles and he squeezes his eyes shut, images of the bodies they’ve found so far flashing through his mind. His voice is barely a whisper when he speaks next. “You also know that the third month is usually when the bodies appear. We’re running out of time, Grace, and I don’t - I don’t know if I believe any more.”

“Carlos Strand-Reyes, I did not just hear you give up on that boy.”

He smiles humourlessly. “Not on him, Grace. On me.”

A long silence follows his words, though Carlos can feel the disappointment and worry rolling off Grace in waves. He should probably feel guilty for ruining a perfectly fine day, but he’s just so tired. He’ll do anything to have TK by his side again, but each day that passes is another day that TK slips further and further away from him, and it’s difficult to hold on to hope.

“I’m terrified,” Carlos admits quietly, tears pricking the back of his eyes. “Any day now they’re going to tell me they’ve found another body, and it’s going to be him, and I won’t be able to handle seeing him like that. You don’t know what they do to them, Grace, it’s - it’s -”

His breath hitches, and suddenly Grace is next to him, gathering him in her arms as he breaks down in sobs against her chest. She shushes him, running a gentle hand through his hair and, for a brief moment, she makes it easy to push away memories of sightless eyes and missing limbs and slit throats.

Grace holds him close, murmuring assurances Carlos doesn’t really hear, until he’s cried himself dry. Then, she pulls back, swiping her thumbs under his eyes, unshed tears shining in her own.

“You’ll get through this, Carlos,” she says, wobbly smile on her face. “No matter the outcome, we’ll all be here to help you get through this.”

Carlos nods, but, privately, he thinks she’s wrong. If TK dies, he’s not sure he’ll be able to find a way through that, no matter how many people are by his side. Because the only one he really, truly needs, won’t be there. 

*

Carlos rubs his eyes, his vision blurring as he stares at crime scene photos, as he has been doing for the past however many hours. He must have gone through these thousands of times over the past eight months, and yet he’s still drawing a complete blank as to clues that could help them find the killers.

They’re always too careful, never leaving any DNA on scene, never caught on camera, never seen by witnesses. There’s not even much of a common denominator between the victims, aside from the fact that they’re all young - the oldest being 38 - and they were all alone when they were taken.

The only consistency in this entire thing is the bodies. Official cause of death is always a deep cut to the throat, accompanied by at least one limb being cut off when the victim was still alive, sometimes more. They never find the missing body parts, which bothers Carlos more than it probably should.

He rubs his eyes again, blinking hard to try and stay awake. He didn’t sleep well last night, which is nothing new, but the past two weeks have been exhausting. After Grace’s coffee outing, the 126 have been stopping by regularly, one or two at a time, to check up on him and make sure he’s doing okay. Carlos appreciates it, he does, but he doesn’t have the energy for it these days. 

He’s so tired that he doesn’t notice Mitchell walking up to his desk before she’s standing right next to him, casting a shadow over his papers. Carlos looks up, and dread washes over him at the grim expression on her face, the tense set to her shoulders.

“We’ve got another one.”

Carlos makes a noise halfway between a choke and a sob. “A body?” he whispers, looking up at her fearfully.

“A disappearance,” Mitchell corrects, and Carlos doesn’t even feel guilty for the relief that floods him at that. “Industrial estate across town, one of the workers got nabbed when he went for a smoke. Same MO, no witnesses - it’s them.”

He nods, praying that Mitchell doesn’t notice the way his hands shake as he gathers up his papers. If she does, she doesn’t say anything, though he catches her exasperated head shake when he turns back to face her.

“Let’s go.”

*

The crime scene is, as always, pristine, and Carlos can’t help but be frustrated, even if this is what he’s come to expect. The case had been wearing on him even before TK was taken, but now it feels like every dead end is a spit in his face, like the universe is taunting him directly.

He’s about to wrap up the scene when a young officer comes barreling towards him.

“Detective!” he yells, panting. “Detective Reyes!”

Carlos stops, raising an eyebrow as the officer skids to a halt in front of him, hands on his knees as he catches his breath. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” he gasps. Straightening, he clears his throat, pointing across the street. “There’s a hidden speed camera over there.”

Carlos blinks. Of all the ground-breaking news he imagined might warrant such dramatics, speed cameras weren’t one of them. 

The officer heaves a long-suffering sigh, which, under any other circumstances, might be amusing. “We’re not sure yet, but, looking at the angle, we think it covers the place the guy got taken from,” he explains, and Carlos’s eyes widen. “If it does, we might be able to get some ID, maybe even a license plate. I know they’ve always been careful not to get caught on camera before, but they might not have known about this one. It’s a chance, Detective.”

Carlos breathes out shakily, mind reeling from the officer’s words. It’s a chance. An honest-to-god chance. “Have we pulled footage yet?”

“Doing that now.” The officer grins boyishly, and Carlos feels a small smile tugging at his own lips. He can’t let himself get too invested in this; there’s every chance that it’ll turn into yet another false lead. And yet.

Something like hope lights up Carlos’s chest, and he dares, just for a second, to believe in it.

*

It works.

It fucking works.

They don’t have an ID - the killers are at least smart enough to cover their faces - but they do have a plate, which they’ve managed to track to a warehouse on the outskirts of town. Carlos taps the steering wheel of his cruiser anxiously; they’re parked in some trees just out of sight of the building, and he itches with the desire to jump out and go.

Every second they wait here is one more second in which TK is still with them, suffering, dying. He chews on his lip, then turns to Mitchell.

“We clear on the plan?”

She raises an eyebrow. “I am. Are you?”

“What -”

“I know what this means for you, Reyes,” she interrupts, not unkindly. “I know what might be waiting for you in there. Now, if it were up to me, you would be benched. It’s too personal, and you’re way too close to it. But, since it’s not, you’ve gotta promise me that your head is screwed on tight, you hear me? We’ve got a good plan, and it’ll work, but it’s only good so long as we are all following it. So, you tell me. Are we clear on the plan?”

Carlos swallows thickly, glancing back in the direction of the warehouse. Mitchell is right - he is too close to it, and he’d be thinking the same thing if the situation were in reverse. He just… He can’t fathom being anywhere but here right now.

He can do this; he knows he can.

He has to, for TK. 

“Yes,” he says firmly, meeting her eyes. “We’ve got this.”

She nods. “Alright, then.” Her gaze shifts past him and she jerks her chin up. “There’s the signal. Let’s move out.”

*

It’s almost too easy, in the end. The suspects are woefully unprepared for an ambush, and Carlos doesn’t even need to fire his gun, which is always a good thing. They find the guy who was taken today in the same room as his kidnappers, a little worse for wear, but not too injured, all things considered.

Carlos wants to be happy about that, but he can’t. Not when TK is still nowhere in sight.

Mitchell takes over managing the scene and questioning the hostage. He’ll have to remember to buy something for her in thanks when this is all over; she’s been a rock over the past three months, often covering for Carlos with their supervisors when things became too much.

He glances around at the swarms of police and paramedics filling the warehouse, feeling oddly detached from it all. He’s itching to go looking for TK, but there’s only so far he can push things - though he’s being no help here, he has to maintain an appearance if he wants to not get fired.

That appearance being, the calm and collected detective, which is the furthest thing from what Carlos is right now.

His hands tap restlessly at his thighs, his senses dialled to eleven with anxiety, which only spikes when he sees an officer making her way towards him, a grim look on her face.

Please, god, no.

Carlos moves to meet her, but he’s not able to form the words for the question he needs to ask. Fortunately, she takes pity on him.

“We’ve found your husband, Detective,” she informs him.

Carlos swallows around the lump in his throat, trying to tamp down the fear. “Is he...?”

“Alive,” she says, and Carlos could cry with relief. “But he’s in bad shape. I’ve been told not to let you back there.”

He stares at her, dumbfounded. “I appreciate the concern, but my husband has been missing for nearly three months,” he says tightly. “It would not be a wise idea to keep me from him any longer.”

She hesitates, biting her lip uncertainly, but eventually relents under Carlos’s hard stare. “Alright. Follow me.”

Carlos is led down several corridors until they stop outside a door, guarded by two other officers. The woman who brought him has a whispered argument with them, but Carlos pushes past her to glare at them, his patience at an end now that he knows that TK is mere feet away from him.

“I told her to bring me here,” he says. “That man in there is my husband; I’m going in there one way or another.”

The two officers exchange a glance, then wearily sigh and nod, stepping to the side. Carlos doesn’t bother to thank them before rushing inside, coming up short at the sight of three paramedics crouched around a body on the ground. He can’t really see much of TK yet, but he feels frozen in place, his mind suddenly rebelling at the thought of having to witness what three months of captivity have done to him.

He shakes his head and wills his feet forward, feeling like he’s walking through treacle as he rounds to TK’s side. Bile rises in his throat and he can’t stop the gasp that escapes him when he finally catches sight of his husband - it’s worse than anything Carlos had imagined, and he’d imagined a lot.

TK’s completely naked; the paramedics have lain a sheet over his lower half, but it does little to hide his emaciated state, his entire body outlined with sharp corners where his skin seems almost shrink-wrapped to his bones. Carlos can count every one of TK’s ribs, and the hollow of his cheeks is deeply pronounced. His torso is discoloured from bruising and he’s horribly still and pale - Carlos would think he were dead if not for the barely there rise and fall of his chest.

That’s not the worst of it, though. Carlos’s eyes travel down TK’s body, cataloguing his injuries, before sticking on his left leg.

Or, rather, the space where his left leg used to be.

Carlos barely refrains from throwing up, his stomach turning at the bloody mess in front of him. This isn’t… In the back of his mind - in his nightmares - he’d known that this was a possibility, but he’d never prepared himself for actually seeing it. He doesn’t know if he could have prepared himself, even if he’d tried.

“Detective.”

He’s broken from his horrified staring by one of the paramedics, now standing in front of him. Strange - Carlos hadn’t noticed him moving.

He sighs, obviously disapproving of Carlos’s presence here, but his expression holds nothing but sympathy. “Your husband is lucky we got here when we did,” he says. “But I can’t make any promises, and he is nowhere near out of the woods yet. To be perfectly honest with you, Detective, it’s a miracle he’s still breathing right now. He’s severely dehydrated and suffering from starvation - it looks like his kidnappers were giving him just barely enough food and water for him to survive. I’m also worried about infection in his leg, plus there might be injuries we can’t see yet. We’ve done everything we can for him here, but we have to get him to the hospital as soon as possible. I’m assuming you’re going to ride with us?”

Carlos immediately nods. There’s no way he’s going to remain here, even if he knows he won’t be able to stay with TK when they get to the hospital. He trusts Mitchell to handle things, and he wouldn’t be of much use anyway, even more so than before. Not after everything he’s seen, everything he’s heard.

The paramedics get TK loaded on a gurney and Carlos follows them out, eyes locked on TK’s still form. He brushes a hand through TK’s limp hair, forcing back the tears burning in his eyes.

“Hold on, my love,” he whispers. “I’m here; you’re safe now.”

He hopes, somehow, that TK hears him.

*

“Oh my god.”

Carlos looks up from the bed at the sound of Owen’s voice. His father-in-law has a hand over his mouth, shock written all over his face at the sight of TK - what little that can be seen underneath all the bandages and machines he has hooked up to him. Carlos had done his best to prepare Owen for what he’d face when he arrived, but it had been an impossible task. He’d barely been able to get the words out, for one, but there was no explaining just how bad things are.

Nothing will ever be the same. Not that Carlos had ever expected that it would, but when (if, he reminds himself) TK wakes up, it will be to a completely different life than the one he had walked out of all those months ago. 

The physical injuries alone would be bad enough - and, god, he’ll have to do so much at home to make it safe for TK - but he’s more worried about how this will have affected him in other ways. Carlos can’t imagine the level of trauma his husband has suffered, and he just prays that they can find a way to get through it.

Owen’s face crumples as he makes his way across the room, collapsing heavily in the chair on the other side of the bed. He reaches out as though to touch TK, but snatches his hands back just as quickly, expression stricken. “Oh my god,” he repeats.

Carlos lets him be for a few moments, allowing Owen to process what he’s seeing at his own pace. He turns away so that he can have some semblance of privacy, though he can’t ignore the soft sobs he hears. It’s almost as though they’re mourning TK, even though they now have proof he’s alive, which is more than can be said for the last three months.

Eventually, Owen sniffs, and turns to address Carlos. “Have they… What did the doctors say?”

“Nothing concrete,” Carlos answers, focusing his gaze back on TK. “If he makes it through the next few days, then they think he’ll have a chance, but that’s a big if, Owen. There was so much damage. His organs weren’t functioning properly, he has a head wound from when he was first taken that never really healed right, and his leg… It had become infected where his kidnappers cut it; they had to take some more in surgery to stop it from spreading any further.”

He tears his eyes from TK to meet Owen’s gaze, almost wishing he hadn’t when he sees his own pain and grief reflected back at him. “It’s bad, Owen,” he chokes out. “I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do if…”

He shakes his head, the words sticking in his throat. Not that he really needs to say them; they’re both thinking the same thing.

“The doctors probably told you, but they’re restricting visitors to two until he’s more stable,” Carlos continues, eyes dropping back to the bed. “I know the team will want to see him, but do you think you can hold them off for a while? Just for a couple of days, until we know more. I don’t want to keep them from him, but I just…” He trails off, guilt welling up in him even though he knows this is what’s best. “I know it’s a selfish thing to ask, but I think it’s for the best, for everyone.”

“I understand,” Owen says gently. “I’ll let them know. And… I’ll do my best to prepare them, for when they do come and visit.”

Carlos nods his thanks and the two lapse into silence, broken only by the hiss of the ventilator and the beeping of the heart monitor. Proof that TK’s still with them, but each noise sends another bolt of pain through Carlos’s heart.

He squeezes his eyes shut, finally allowing the tears to fall down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Owen,” he sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

Owen gasps. “What for?”

“I was supposed to protect him! This was my case, I’m the reason he got taken, the reason he might not make it. He could still die, and it’s all my fault!”

Carlos drops his head into his hands, chest heaving from the force of his sobbing. Distantly, he hears the scrape of a chair on linoleum, then Owen’s hands are on his shoulders, turning him into an embrace. Carlos falls into him, not caring about the almost childlike way he clings to his father-in-law.

“You found him, Carlos,” Owen whispers, rubbing circles on Carlos’s back. “You found him. Any chance he has at making it through is because of you. That’s what matters now; it’s the only thing that matters.”

*

It’s several more weeks before Carlos’s prayers are finally answered.

TK was declared stable some time ago, the doctors saying that, barring any unexpected complications, they should expect him to wake up. They hadn’t said anything about what the damage might be once he did wake, but Carlos hadn’t wanted to ask; at this point, he can’t focus on more than one thing at a time, else he knows he’ll fall apart.

He’s practically lived at the hospital since they brought TK in. He’s pretty sure Owen, his parents, and the 126 came up with a rota for making sure he wasn’t starving himself, because it was always someone different who attempted to pull him away from TK’s room for food or sleep in an actual bed. Carlos resisted as much as he thought he could get away with, but he’s not stupid. He knows he needs to keep his strength up if he’s going to be of any use once TK wakes up.

It happens early one morning, when the sun is just beginning to filter through the blinds. Carlos is already awake, keeping a vigilant watch over his husband, though he doesn’t quite believe it when TK’s eyelid twitches.

He holds his breath, waiting, and, just when he’s given it up as a trick of exhaustion, it happens again, both of his eyes cracking open this time.

“TK?” he breathes, half-rising from his chair. He reaches out and grabs TK’s hand, which moves - actually moves - in his, and tears spring to his eyes.

It takes a few more minutes before something like awareness creeps into TK’s face, his eyes fully opening for the first time in weeks. Carlos just sobs at the sight, drawing TK’s attention to him, at which point his expression turns to shock and disbelief.

TK’s mouth moves, but he can’t force out any words, causing panic to flash over his face and his breathing picks up. Carlos leans forward, squeezing his hand and stroking his cheek.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he says softly, reassuring him. “You’re okay, I promise, everything’s going to be okay. You’re in the hospital. I’m here, and you’re safe. God, TK, I swear I’m never going to let anything happen to you ever again, I swear it.”

TK shakes his head, still not understanding, so Carlos reaches to press the call button. He forces a smile for TK’s sake, though his mind is crowded with worries about what their next steps will be. It’s going to be a long time before they can even think about going home, he knows this, but everything is so uncertain now.

Carlos wants to believe that there can be some sort of normality in their future, but, right now, it seems like a distant dream.

*

Time passes.

He brings TK home.

It’s hard, so much harder than he thought, but they have a whole team of people willing to help out as much as they can. Paul and Grace often bring food, usually stopping to talk for a while afterwards. The others - most often Marjan and Judd - sometimes come by and take TK out in his wheelchair for a while, giving Carlos time and space to relax or tidy. Letting TK out of his sight was difficult at first, and he still gets anxious watching him disappear out the door, but he knows that the 126 would do anything to keep him safe.

He just has to trust them, which he does, implicitly so. 

Owen’s also a frequent visitor to their house, staying overnight a time or two in the beginning. Carlos is grateful for it; he doesn’t know how he would have coped if not for Owen’s steady presence while they were still figuring out their new reality.

TK struggles a lot, even with simple things these days. The head wound caused brain damage, leading to migraines and he has problems with speech and carrying out tasks. It breaks Carlos’s heart to see him, but he forces himself to keep up a front, only letting the emotion out when he’s alone - or, rarely, with one of the 126.

He suspects TK knows anyway, but they don’t talk about it.

It’s a long few months of recovery, of pain and exhaustion and frustration. But it’s all worth it, because it means that TK is alive. It means that Carlos has him back, and they can work on getting better together.

It means that, one golden morning, Carlos wakes up to see TK’s beautiful green eyes already open, watching him intently. He reaches out to caress TK’s cheek, then leans in and presses a gentle kiss to his lips, lingering for a long moment.

And, when he pulls back, TK smiles.

And it feels like everything is going to be okay.

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

aight SO

i finished ep 12 and i've talked about it with a friend, and now i've also taken a look into the tarlos tag to get a sense of what people are saying. i think i'm ready to break this down.

so there are a few big questions about That Scene and the following tarlos interactions. i'll just work through them one at a time. buckle in, this is gonna get long. now without further ado...

1) Was TK lashing out at Carlos at the firehouse in character?

Short answer: yes and no.

Long answer: we've seen TK get physical and even violent before. He literally sought out a bar fight in s1. He nearly got into a fist fight with Judd, too. And did you see the way he was hurling darts after that, when he and Carlos were on their date? This boy is not a stranger to getting physical. There are, however, a few major differences between those scenes and this one with Carlos.

One. The bar fight was premeditated, while his fight with Carlos was not. Why is this important? Because it means that TK has shown some measure of restraint in the past. He managed to stay present during what I would call the 'trigger' of the bar fight episode, and saved his physical response for a later time.

Two. His altercation with Judd, on the other hand, was not premeditated. The difference, then, is that Judd was also ready to get physical at the time. With the scene with Carlos, Carlos was trying to remain calm and impartial for most of it, and attempted to de-escalate when TK got violent. The whole thing was driven by TK.

Three. In none of the scenes we've seen before of TK getting violent has his dad's health or safety been threatened. TK's dad is a HUGE part of his life, and he has a LOT of emotional trauma surrounding his relationship with his dad. He's TERRIFIED of losing Owen, because he's nearly lost him so many times before. TK has some MAJOR anxiety about losing people, to the point where he refused to let Carlos into his heart at the beginning of s1. There's also the fact that TK has gone through a lot of trauma in not a lot of time. Even if the show wants us to believe the kidnapping is over, I'm willing to bet that the after-effects are still hitting. For both TK AND Carlos, honestly.

There are also two other lines to consider when we're talking TK's characterization: first, in the episode when Gwyn moves out, and we see her and TK talking, she then calls Owen who asks if TK 'flew off the handle' (i believe that was the wording, correct me if I'm wrong). This is important because we have two people who are VERY close to TK talking about how he reacts to things, the crux of which is that TK gets reactionary. He has high emotional responses and says (or does) things that he doesn't necessarily mean.

Then there's another line that I think is important. This is the one in the crossover episode, when TK tells Buck that he's 'done a lot worse than steal a fire truck'. This one is important because it's TK talking about HIMSELF. We don't have any context for this or what it means, necessarily, but I'm willing to bet from context that he wasn't just talking about ODing.

So with all this in mind... do I think TK was in character? Do I really think TK would do this? Well... it makes sense in the context of TK's story and his arcs and all the scenes we've seen him in so far. But, at the same time, I would definitely have done it differently. It's a thing like... it's not a WRONG answer, but then again, was it really right, either?

2) Was Carlos's reaction to TK lashing out in character?

Short answer: yeah, I think so*.

*though if they don't expand on it I'm gonna have a problem.

Long answer: Carlos, at this point in the story, is dealing with two things that I think impact his emotional landscape a HELL of a lot.

One. His past and his family. He grew up with a man who seems emotionally distant, and it has only VERY RECENTLY started to get better. He felt INCREDIBLY alienated after he came out, and then when he became a cop and he was dealing with his father's silent disapproval. He is always searching for approval and, most likely, affection as well. What this means is that he feels like he constantly needs to prove himself, and bases his self worth on how OTHER people react. If someone reacts badly, that's a mark against himself.

"But Kay," you say, "What about the scene where he made dinner for TK and TK walked out? Carlos didn't blame himself then!"

Which is an interesting point! Carlos didn't put the onus on himself in that scene, he turned it back on TK, calling him 'crazy'. I think that was a secondary coping mechanism, to be honest. He knew he couldn't deal with feeling like he was the one who was wrong AGAIN so he twisted the situation around in his head until it was TK who was 'being crazy'. I've talked about that scene in depth before so I won't do it again, but Carlos's reaction is, I think, indicative of having felt rejection before and trying to protect himself.

Which brings me to number two. The fact that he's nearly lost TK several times already. This plays a HUGE role in how Carlos acts, especially with TK. Carlos has wanted TK LITERALLY from day 1, and since then he's nearly lost him how many times??? Enough, at least, that I'm fairly certain he's now holding on too tight, even when it comes back and hurts him. He just... he seems to have this mentality that if he's in he's ALL in, and he's not allowed to back away or put any distance between them, or else he'll lose TK for real.

Because we've seen TK pull back and get some distance before. We saw TK take a night away after their fight about the farmer's market. Maybe not with the best communication, but TK was angry and he needed space, so he left. When he did that, however, Carlos was convinced that they were breaking up. Like, CONVINCED. You cannot tell me that Carlos didn't think the worst in that moment.

Now why is THIS important? Easy. Because Carlos and TK may be moving forward in their relationship, but they are at a point right now where they react to things in fundamentally different ways. TK kind of bounces between becoming reactionary and going distant (again, we saw this in s2ep8 very clearly), while Carlos has reached a point where he kind of doubles down on holding tightly to TK even when he maybe shouldn't.

Basically, when you boil all this down, Carlos is DESPERATELY trying not to rock the boat, with his parents OR with TK, because he's scared of everything coming apart. And I think that makes sense with this episode.

The problem, then, is that this is a coping mechanism. The narrative has set it up as such. Which means that he's going to have to address it at some point. If he doesn't, I will be FUCKING PISSED, believe you me.

3) Did the narrative address that scene with respect, dignity, and nuance?

Short answer: I DON'T THINK SO.

Long answer: TK is human. He's a recovering addict. He's had problems with feeling numb in the past (that line about how everything is gray), which, I think, makes his feelings just THAT MUCH BIGGER when he does have them. So clearly, he's going to make mistakes. The question then is, was this particular mistake something he's learned from, or was it just used for the drama?

I have two reasons to believe it was the latter rather than the former.

One. Judd's reaction. Judd telling Carlos to get out of the firehouse after TK hit him, as if Carlos was the bad guy in that situation, was dramatic as hell. TK and Carlos are pitted against each other in that moment, and instead of mediating, Judd picked a side. Which is, ironically enough, the first thing that I think was NOT in character in that scene.

Judd, we know, is a bit of a hot-head, but he's also very empathetic. Judd was shown trying to mediate between Billy and Owen the last time the two of them had an episode together, because he understood both sides of the story and he cared for both of them. Why do I think it should have been the same this time? Well, because he loves TK and Carlos BOTH. They were both in the group hug at the hospital after the Ryder's car crash. It wasn't like Carlos stayed back, okay--JUDD CARES FOR BOTH OF THEM. And I think, at that point, that Judd would have seen the fact that TK was spinning out and Carlos was trying to stay objective and known that he needed to de-escalate. It would have been SO EASY to have that line be "Okay, okay, both of you step back and take a breather." He could EASILY have mediated. But he didn't. And that was a specific choice that leans more toward drama than anything else.

Which brings me to number two. The fact that they don't talk about it on screen. We had a hand-wavey 'we agreed no apologies' and a hot and heavy make-out scene instead. The writers wanted the drama of the two of them being in bed together while the fire started, and in order to do that they sacrificed the screen time it would have taken to actually have them have a conversation. Because, again, it would have been SO EASY to write them actually talking about it. They've done it before! After their fight about the farmer's market and Carlos's parents, the two of them have a WONDERFUL conversation. Why then and not now? Well, to make the fire more dramatic, to up the stakes one more time.

So no. I don't think there was any respect. I don't think there was any nuance. TK made a mistake, because he's human and he has some problems with emotional regulation, but there were little to no repercussions for it where there really should have been. There was no respect coming from the firefam for Carlos, either. There were no apologies, or further comments, or anything. And honestly... this season has done a lot toward making me feel like they don't give a shit about violence. Judd hitting that kid in the bear trap in the wild fire episode, Judd hitting the drunk driver who drove him off the road, Judd punching Billy when he thought he was framing Owen, and now TK hitting Carlos... all with no repercussions or apologies or even discussions about them... it's not a good look.

And there you have it. The writing makes sense. It does. But it's also really clear that the writers' priorities have changed. I really, honestly feel like the show has lost something since season 1. There's been a massive tonal shift, and I don't like it. The fact that we keep having Event after Event with no reprieve, have sacrificed conversations and interpersonal relationships for Drama, and have started killing and maiming characters with wild abandon, sometimes with seemingly no reason... it's all just a Lot. I have enjoyed watching season 2, but it's not sticking the same way as season 1 did. I'm not letting myself get attached to characters at this point because clearly we're not in a found family show anymore. I don't care about them the same way I did before. I can’t bring myself to do it when it’s becoming clear that we’re not going to slow down and actually process anything anytime soon.

[darkwingsofimagination]

I have lots of thoughts and feelings about Madre Solo Hay Dos, and this post is an attempt to express it. Since I'm posting through the android app I can't use the keep reading option, so SPOILER ALERT IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED MADRE SOLO HAY DOS YET.

-------------------‐------

So, when I began watching I couldn't find a trailer or a teaser, was relying solely on the small synopsis Netflix gave - which honestly was the best thing for me.

It also meant that at fisrt I was really surprised there was a husband at all not to mention two older kids in Ana's life, but I grew up watching enough mexican telenovelas to know that one way or another things would work out (I surely hoped so). But I liked how the story unraveled.

I was also VERY SURPRISED by Mariana and Elena's relationship because I definitely wasn't expecting Mariana to actually be with a woman before falling for Ana.

Juan Carlos cheating on Ana was both expected and utterly irritating (how could he do that when he had such an amazing wife and family?) And it cannot be justified by the fact she was controlling and workaholic. It just isn't, I mean he knew that control was how she showed love - he said it in episode two - and knowing he met her in university he must have known she was and would still be career driven. And to me that marriage was in the verge of ending and not just because he cheated, but for how he treated her. Always making her feel bad on focusing on having a successful career. I like him as a father, he is pretty good. But as a husband to her he was an asshole. I mean I could understand him asking her stop working a little to spend some time with the baby, for health and bonding issues, (and in a way she did need some rest) but I can't say I liked him in the first episode, because as soon as I knew he cheated that was it. But I tolerated him, he had some nice moments.

Pablo made me so pissed at him for the way he treated Mariana, specially after she said no to him. Although I didn't see him as being manipulative at first, I do agree he seemed to only want Regina if Mariana would go back to him. Besides, the fact he kept competing against Elena (he didn't see Ana coming at all and I really love that lol) irritated me. To me he was clearly treating Mariana as if she were some prize. As if she came back to him would prove he was better than Elena, that Idk Mariana was only with Elena because he left you know? Like getting her back was just to boost his ego - just my opinions. If he could work on not being an ass to Mariana just because she doesn't want to go back with him and still be in Regina's life and for all that's holy if he finally stops listening to the jerks he calls friends he could be tolerable.

I like Elena, I don't love her though, but I like her pretty much, however telling Mariana that she was just confused about how she felt for Ana was a jerk move. I get it, she is hurt and maybe she feels like getting revenge because what Mariana did to her wasn't nice (I mean, it was pretty clear she let Elena assume they were more than just friends who occasionally kissed) but still doesn't justify it. Honestly, I don't even think she should have told Mariana that she noticed she fell for Ana. Mariana needed to that on her own (which she was almost there if the gay panic on her face while she looked at Ana during their "bonding" ritual for Regina's spiritual reception was any indication). What happens is I think that Elena accepeted that she had lost Mariana to Pablo, and to her ir made sense: he was there first (in the sense he was her previous relationship), he was a man, and she was the first woman Mariana ever was with, so maybe she was trying new things and he is Regina's father, maybe she even thought Mariana was still in love with him on some level (which is even sadder, honestly). But seeing Mariana fall in love with Ana, made her realize that Mariana likes women, that she can fall in love with another woman, she just never fell for Elena. So yeah, if they don't make her into a manipulative bitch she could still be an awesome character - my headcannon is both Elena and Pablo getting their heads out of their asses and helping Mariana win Ana back.

All of the men in Ana's life are stupid.

Juan Carlos doesn't appreciate all the effort she puts in trying to be a business woman, a good mother and wife. Neither does Daniel, her ex, seems like he actually understood her. While he read a bit of his book to her she seemed very unconfortable, just as when he talked about not being able to keep up with her. And like he said, her smile is beautiful, yes (the woman is masterpiece of beauty) but she's way more than that. However her ex did look like a fool in love when he saw her again (which Juan Carlos never does) and I guess that's what drove her to him.

I'll save the best for last, so bear with me just a bit more before getting to Ana and Mariana. Before I'd like to talk about Teresa.

Even if I wish Mariana didn't hide from Ana what happened I do understand her. First Tere (beautiful woman, wich honestly this show just slayed me with so many beautiful women) is her mom and she is kinda manipulative (although I'm sure she sometimes means well most of the times she doesn't think about the consequences of her actions) and I don't know, I think as strong and as independent Mari is, she does want to have a family that gets along and people here in Latin America sometimes get in too much of that "family is blood" bullshit, and not only Latinex but the rest of the world seems pretty adamant in having children listen and forgive their parents and carry on toxic parent-child relationships because "they are your parents", which sucks, but it's true. And not only that as much as Ana feels hurt I don't think she would have believed Mariana if she told her. After all in 20 years Juan Carlos never seemed to show any signs of ever being unfaithful to her. Even if it was the right thing to do, it's not the easiest decision. It wasn't just a relationship of a married couple it would affect but also JC's relationship with the children, because it does change their view of the parent - hence he cutting Ana before she said to the children she cheated on him. And yes Tere is her mother and the thing about parents (and other immeadiate family members) is that even if they screw us up all the time we always feel like we have to stand by them someway, somehow. And (and it's a very unpopular opinion and I'm not sure if I'll manage to get my point across very well but I'll try) I guess Mariana felt guilty for what Tere did, not only for keeping the secret but for her actions as well. Mariana is always trying to fix things with and/or for Tere and I guess she might have felt guilty over bringing Tere into Ana's life, even if she knows it's not her fault anything happened... but guilt is something really weird, so yeah. why I think she feels guilty is because, well, I don't know how it is for other people, but when living with manipulative people they managed to make you feel bad for things you have nothing to feel sorry for, not to mention that her attempts of protecting and trusting her mother comes from a feeling of guilty of not being able to trust her - which is also another thing both Pablo and Teresa want from Mariana without ever giving her reason to and then making her feel bad about not being able to trust them.

And finally, what I thought of Ana and Mariana's relationship.

I love how Ana and Mariana balance each other, I like the age difference as well. I thinks it sends a great message as well, not only with the cliché that you may find lkve whenever, but that no matter how old or how young are life happens and you have to deal with it. Being married and having a stable life didn't stop Ana from having her life turned upside down, and the same with Mariana, in her case it just meant that her mess of life got even crazier but that just it.

I love how the relationship between Mariana and the kids just flows naturally as well. And I love how Mariana does support Ana and shows she is happy for her a lot more than her own husband. Even if they are not married they do act like each other's partners, at least to me.

I feel like their relationship begins to shift at the end of the first episode when they decided to live together - and 'Flotando' by Francisca Valenzuela playing during the scene, to me, it's a very beautiful and subtle way to say to us viewers that we can and should expect more from their relationship.

However the second episode it feels to me like it's fundamental, specially for Ana. They both fell very silently for each other, and without noticing and I think Ana began falling when Mariana not only broke her rules but defied her and told her the truth everyone else was afraid to say - and not only that that bond the girl began forming with both Ceci and Ro. I loved how she was super attentive in listening how Pablo was a jerk and then being super protective of both Mariana and Regina when he began coming around - but I also loved that she relented, albeit reluctantly, when she saw that Mariana really thought Pablo could be of importance to Regina. The fact that Mariana was so worried in making sure Ana approved of him showed more of how much she valued Ana's opinion than whatever she may feel for her ex, which to me was step 1 of Mariana falling for Ana, step 2 was definitely the scene where she makes faces at Valentina just so the baby would smile at Ana and the woman could be a little happier, and sideways hug was the cherry on top - the way she feels uncertain of it before doing was very well thought out and executed.

The scene where Ana introduces Mariana and Regina as her other daughter and Valentina's other mother without explaining further than "we are the mothers of the two babies" was really such a heartfelt moment I just died.

I loved how after those initial moments they were constantly checking on each other (I really do love when Ana goes check on Mariana after her disaster of day with Anuar and she gently tucks Mariana's hair out her face in such a beautiful caress).

The scene in which Ana is shocked about how Mariana's date went is definitely one great indication of the fact she was feeling something more (I mean, saying that if she were a man she would definitely hit on her? That has got to be the oldest play on the book, the famous "I'd kiss you if I weren't straight"). Also on the same episode but before the horrible date, she did ask Mariana to never again say she wasn't attractive, which I also saw as something more, 'cause she was able to read between the lines. Mariana out loud said she wasn't sure about her body, not really saying she didn't feel pretty but one could read it. I think it meant something because Ana seems not that much of an expert reading people, so to be able to be so certain would mean she really paid attention. When Ana said Mariana should try with someone she trusted I think that she wanted it to be hed, even if she didn't realize yet. Or maybe did. In the episode where she takes time off before accepting her promotion there's a scene after she wakes up that Juan Carlos begins to kiss her, clearly intending to have sex (and they did have it) but her face is like "god this is boring/I don't think I really want to" that just makes me think ok, maybe she's already realizing she wants someone else (I had this impression). The episode where they go away and not only Mariana manages to convince everyone to go without being intrusive it's really nice, I also loved how fast Ana embraced everyone else as family for Mariana and Regina. The pool scene, oh my, I melted. First how pissed Ana was to know that Tere got distracted and Mariana almost drowned and how she instantly went after Mariana to chek on her, and not only trying to calm her about the water, listening to her about her fears and at the end asking if she trusted her (like I said before I really think she already wanted Mariana and knew it) and then the way they looked at each other whilst in the pool with the babies. Perfect!

Ana feeding Mariana the baby food was the cutest, and I know she said the girls weren't ready to be parted because she was afraid of she might have cancer I really do think she also meant because she wanted them there (let's not forget the lengths she went to make Mariana stay when Juan Carlos said he thought it was time to get back to normal).

Ana's "Te amo" makes lots of people think it came out of nowhere, but I don't think so. I really do believe she fell in love with Mariana, silently and without even noticing - the lingering gazes and gentle touches are some indication - and while she was drugged and asked Mariana to promise her to take care of the girls and she did I guess it hit her right then and there how much she fell for her and you know, most people do say that when you're drunk or high you tend to do and say the things you really want to because your filter just doesn't work. So yeah, I admit to me it was both unexpected and not at all.

I keep wondering if Mariana would have told Ana that she kissed her had she not told her she needed to do the biopsy to rule out cancer. Either way I love everything about the scene. How grateful Ana is to know that she can count on Mariana and how fearful Mariana looks. I loved that Mariana just stopped everything to accompany Ana to the hospital.

I loved that Mariana never for one second seemed to think of saying yes to Pablo and how even with all of her mother bs she refused to live with them because Ana needs her.

The baptism is the peak. Their bonding ceremony is not only wedding vows worthy but it's also the it finally hits Mariana that she fell for Ana, and I just love the gay panic she clearly has. I love her face of fool in love when Ana goes to her friends and how happy both of them look while holding the girls through the ceremonies.

Even if I'm very grateful for the declaration and the kiss we got - highlight for the lightning of this scene. The way the sun hits them helps give the impression that they will work it our - however Mariana should've processed her feelings first but I get her, she was afraid of losing Ana without a fighting chance - both for not telling and for Ana may having cancer. That scene is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking with both of them so miserable. The ending is one more proof of how well this show knows to pair scenes and songs. Cobarde's lyrics is so perfect it feels like it was made for the scene (or perhaps the scene was thought for the song).

I really hope we get these two together in season 2 - however I love me some angst, and usually is what we get, so I think that Ana's tests will come back positive and that Mariana will go back to take care of her and things will go on from that.

And that was my TedTalk, thank you for having the patience to read the ramblings of a very enthusiastic viewer.